


Remember that time in Pontiac, Illinois?

by zation



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, BAMF Castiel, Blow Jobs, Denial, Episode: s04e01 Lazarus Rising, Episode: s04e02 Are You There God? It's Me Dean Winchester, First Time, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Humor, M/M, Not Beta Read, Orgasm Delay, Pining, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Season 4 related, Supportive!Sam, Top!Cas, Underage Sex, Wing Kink, only a little, slightly...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-02
Updated: 2015-04-05
Packaged: 2018-03-20 21:42:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 23,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3666252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zation/pseuds/zation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is not very pleased when dad drops him and Sam in Pontiac. But after his sort of girlfriend of the week drags him to a party things starts looking much better. There he meets the older man Jimmy Novak and for a little while Dean doesn't hate Pontiac anymore. Too bad all good things have to end, right?</p><p>Or,</p><p>The one where Dean has a fling and then meets that fling again, fifteen years and an angel later.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Earlier

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, so this is happening. Underage stuff in this chapter, don’t read if it ain’t your thang!  
> Or, if it is, enjoy <3

  
  


### 1.

  


Dean sighed and eyed the sloppy joe on his plate mournfully. Even he could cook better than this. The other students around him were happily chugging it down though and Dean considered that he might be getting sick or something. Him, turning down what’s basically a burger? A free meal? That a cute girl bought him? Man, going to school regularly was messing with his brain.

Sammy had been happy, though, when dad had decided to dump them in yet another town while he hunted on. Of course, when was the little squirt _not_ happy about the prospect of education? Dean would think a ten-year old would be more carefree but no. Ah, whatever, they were probably only staying here another week.

" You okay, sweetie?"

"Hm?" he looked up to see the girl he’d been sweet-talking the last week — Cindy? Sandy? Shit… — looking at him worriedly. "Fine, just fine." He smiled and she tittered cutely. He smiled and poked at his sloppy joe.

"So," she leaned in on the bench and man, they were only fourteen but she was developed like some of the women in dad’s magazines and Dean was well into adolescence, which meant it was _awesome_ she was leaning this and that way but come on. _Control, Winchester._ He gritted his teeth and shifted.

" So, what?" he asked, not entirely sure she hadn’t continued without him and he had just missed it.

She tittered again and flipped her hair over her shoulder. "How long did you say you were staying?"

Ah, this again. Every goddamn town they went to this question was about the first one. How long are you staying? _Where_ are you staying? Where are your parents? Why didn’t you bring lunch, or lunch money?

" Dunno." He mumbled and shoved as much food in his mouth as he could get. "A week?"

She scrunched up her nose. "Don’t talk with your mouth full."

She was laughing though and Dean considered talking some more to try and scare her off. He had been enjoying his time with her this past week but she was getting clingy and he would be going soon. He wasn’t like Sam, didn’t like making friends and then having to leave them. Better to be alone then. This girl would not be deterred though.

"Sandra’s having a birthday-party next weekend." She said and leaned closer to him, snaking her arm around his and — fuck — bumping her right boob against his arm.

"Really?" Dean certainly did not squeak out and shoved more food in his mouth, concentrating on the suffocating feeling of the bread in his windpipe rather than the soft press of her body.

"Yeah." She exclaimed and took a moment to sip some juice out of her carton. Gods, those lips would look good around—no! He should really stop reading those magazines!

"You wanna go or something?" he all but snarled but she only looked at him happily. "I don’t like beating around the bush, Cindy."

She laughed and hugged him briefly. "Sorry, I was nervous."

He just nodded, glad for a lot of things. One, he’d gotten her name right, kudos man. Two, his jeans totally covered his awkward boner and three, he’d probably be gone by the time that party came around anyways. No need to be a douche now, not when he knew he wouldn’t have to do anything. For once he was thankful of their lifestyle. No obligations for him, thank you very much.

  


### 2.

  


Yes, thank you very fucking much.

"Isn’t this great?" Sammy practically bounced on the bed. "A whole ‘nother month here! I’ll get to go on the field trip and Mrs. Viola said—"

"Stop." Dean help up a hand to stop his little brother’s ranting. "Just stop, this is _not_ great and, wait." He looked up at Sam’s confused face. " Your teacher’s name’s Mrs. Viola? Seriously?"

"Yeah? Why?"

Dean sniggered. "That’s… that’s just… Is she a _substitute_ teacher?"

" No." Sam frowned at him, clearly not following but Dean didn’t care. He was laughing hard enough for the both of them. "Maybe you’d know that already if you’d paid attention, _Dean_." Sam pouted and Dean actually stopped laughed, barely.

" Sorry, yeah." He agreed, taking a deep breath to calm himself.

"Why don't you wanna stay here though?" Sammy asked after a while spent in pouty silence and Dean sighed, suddenly not amused anymore.

"Because." He stood to open a can of beans and turned on the stove. "We rarely stay anywhere and it’s just troublesome when we do."

"Dad leaves us here so we can get educated."

"Dad leaves us so we won’t get in the way of hunts." Dean grumbled, not really angry with dad, just irritated that Dean himself was so useless. He could hardly wait for the day when he would be able to help dad.

Sammy shrugged when Dean turned back to him. "Still."

"Whatever." Dean scraped his feet against the hideous linoleum. "And I kinda promised Cindy I’d take her to some stupid party tomorrow and you know I can’t stand those."

"Then why’d you say you’d do it?"

Dean sighed, frustrated. "_Because_ , we weren’t supposed to be here now. We were supposed to have already driven away."

Sam frowned again. "So man up and go to the party, what’s the big deal?"

"What’s the big deal?" Dean parroted, hardly believing what he was hearing. "What should I do about you? How the hell would I get her there? How would I get to hers?"

Sammy rolled his eyes in that annoying way of his. Dean could swear no normal ten-year old ever did that. "I’m _fine_ , Dean. And I dunno, bus maybe? And bus to your last question too."

Dean huffed. "You’re not fine. You’re ten."

"I’ll ask Donny if we can have a sleep-over."

"Who?"

"Fuck you Dean, you never listen." Sam whined and Dean wanted to chastise him for the language but knew where he’d picked it up from. Also knew the kid was right.

Instead he sighed and started stirring the beans into a pot. "Fine, you ask Donny but if he or his parents say no I’m staying home."

  


### 3.

  


Of course no one said no.

Well, Cindy’s parents came awfully close to when Dean showed up ten minutes late and reeking of irritation but Cindy wanted Dean anyway she could get and apparently had her dad wrapped around her little finger because he ended up driving them. Which was just as good as Dean had had quite enough of the local busses for one night. Man, when he could finally drive the Impala he would be king.

Dean hadn’t brought a birthday-gift, of course, because he was a failure at most things social and had actually forgotten that this was supposed to be Sandra’s big day. Well, he didn’t exactly know her so he supposed it could be excused. They were in the same classes and she was a friend of Cindy’s, so he’d hung out with Sandra a few times in big groups. She would probably know his name, but that was about it. Plus, Cindy was bringing a gift and didn’t even comment on Dean’s empty hands. He started wondering if she was already planning their wedding or something.

  


*****

  


This was the goddamn lamest party Dean had ever been to. Granted, he had not been to that many and they were barely teens but still. Dean almost wished he had sneaked some of dad’s left-over beer.

First of all, the music was atrocious. Pop-culture, yuck. Second, the boys and girls seemed afraid of each other. Dean was beginning to see why Cindy wanted him to tag along; Dean was the only boy there touching a girl and not getting embarrassed or douchey about it. And he was touching her. Sure, he was probably as effected as some of the other boys and Cindy keep "accidentally" bumping him with her boobs but he was a master at hiding his awkward boners by now. Also, he had gotten to second base in the last town they’d stayed in — almost third, thank you — so he knew what was what. Still, though, this was lame. The boys were antsy while the girls were getting eager to step things up but no one really dared.

Mostly, no one dared because of the last, and lamest of all, nail in this party’s coffin: they were chaperoned.

Oh, they were alone in the den alright but they all knew Sandra’s parents were upstairs, watching TV from the sounds of it. Cindy had said that Sandra’s family was kind of religious but Dean had thought she’d mentioned that to keep him from cussing so much and embarrass her. Never really thought it’d been literary. It didn’t seem to be hardcore religious but still, the Jesus on the wall was a constant reminder pressing on Dean’s neck just as much as Cindy’s boob pressed against his arm. Kept his boner in relative check, if nothing else.

"What do y’all say we play a little game?"

Dean was jerked back to the present when Allie stood up. Dean liked her. If Cindy hadn’t been so nice and hadn’t been paying Dean’s lunches for him he’d been going out with Allie instead. He knew this and when he met her eye now he saw that she knew this too. And if Cindy tensing beside him was any indication she knew as well. Interesting.

"What game?" one of the boys — Jack? Bert? Who the hell kept up with the boys’ names? — asked apprehensively.

Allie shrugged and bounced over to the table to pick up the soda bottle with the least left in it. Her boobs bounced a little but they were smaller than Cindy’s. This realization made Dean hug Cindy to him, his arm casually swung over her shoulders. She smiled at him and he smirked back. Someone cooed and when Dean looked up he saw Allie frowning at the two of them; the only real couple.

"How ‘bout spin-the-bottle?" she asked, her smile lecherous when she looked at Dean and Cindy and Dean liked this. Liked the attention. Cindy tensed again.

"Sure." Sandra said enthusiastically. "But after the food though, right? My Uncle Jimmy’s bringing pizza."

Dean’s stomach growled at the mention of an honest to God pizza and Cindy turned to smile at him again.

"You hungry sweetie?" she asked, almost shyly and Dean realized that she was playing the game for Allie’s benefit.

"Always, baby." He let slip and soon he had most of the room’s attention. The boys were sniggering at him, muttering how whipped he was and the girls were cooing and looking at him with doe-eyes. Dean just smirked when Cindy hugged him and crawled closer. The boys could call Dean whipped all they wanted, he knew what had gotten him to second base last time and it seemed it would work this time too.

  


*****

  


The pizza arrived not ten minutes later and Dean thought it both strangely fortunate and good timing. Allie and Cindy weren’t talking but if their icy stares could kill, they would all be dealing with a murder scene by now. Dean didn’t really know what to do. He’d always had a certain charm about him and recently he’d discovered what he wanted to direct that charm at but he had as of yet to experience the attention of two girls at the same time. It was starting to unnerve him.

When the food arrived Cindy was standing in a corner, talking to her friends, and Allie was standing in the other end of the room, talking to some other friends. Dean was still on the couch, nursing his soda that he kind of wished was spiked even if he knew dad would kill him.

With the pizza came also a young man, Dean judged perhaps in his late teens. He had raven-black hair, piercingly blue eyes and a smile that scrunched up his whole face and what the hell was Dean noticing all of this for? Must be an occupational hazard, he thought. Always noticed his surroundings. Would probably get worse with the years.

"Hi you guys." The man greeted and some of the tension lifted as most of the girls flocked around him. His voice was cheery and rich and Dean was not the least surprised to see the interest in himself drop and shift over to this new-comer. What should be surprising was him not being surprised at that. He shrugged and drank some more of his soda.

"Hi Uncle Jimmy." Sandra said and stood on her tip-toes to kiss him on the cheek in greeting. Every other girl seemed to want to do that too. Even Cindy. Dean was actually a little relieved to be put to the side and it was hardly surprising how the girls focused on this man with the way he smiled, all teeth and gum and what the fuck?

"I brought pizza." The man announced unnecessarily and put the boxes down on the table beside the cutlery and plates. "Eat ‘em while they’re hot." He winked at the room in general and made to duck out but Allie, bless her, stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"Stay, don’t you want some pizza yourself?"

"Yeah," one of the other girls, Belinda, agreed eagerly. "We’re playing games, join us."

Jimmy blinked at them and then looked over at Sandra, still smiling and Dean didn’t even care anymore, just shifted to sit on the edge of the couch, his elbows resting on his knees and staring openly at the man.

"Aw, come on you guys." Jimmy said in a voice that told Dean he didn’t believe they were sincere. "You don’t want to play with an old dud like me."

Dean snorted and had to recover quickly when he got the focus of those eyes on him. Fuck. "What are you, like seventeen?" Dean asked, taking a sip of his soda to cover his embarrassment and almost choked when Jimmy ducked his head and smiled shyly.

To Dean’s surprise, Jimmy then took a step towards him and extended his hand. "You must be this Dean I’ve heard about."

Jimmy’s hand was so warm and strong in Dean’s grip that he could only nod in response. He barely heard Sandra’s squeak of indignation.

"Uncle!" she protested and Jimmy actually laughed and the sound rumbled through Dean’s chest to settle in his groin. Fucking hell. He nearly ripped his hand away from Jimmy’s.

"What?" Jimmy asked amusedly. "I just meant he’s the only one I didn’t recognize."

"Yeah, well, it didn’t sound like that." Sandra muttered and Jimmy laughed again, making for the door.

"New kid in class? Yeah, I’m sure no one talks about him." He winked one last time, this time directly at Dean, and then slipped out of the den.

The other kids were happily getting their pizzas but Dean couldn’t fucking stand up. This boner would not be concealed but some cleverly folding of his jeans. What the hell had happened? Sure, from a purely aesthetic view he could call this Uncle Jimmy handsome but what the actual fuck? He shook his head at himself and nearly jumped out of his skin when Cindy sat down beside him with two plates of pizza.

"I didn’t which one you wanted." She said and indicated the plate she’d handed him. There were slices from both the peperoni and the Hawaiian one. Dean smiled at her.

"I like it all, babe." He answered and started to think that that probably was truer than he’d previously thought.

  


*****

  


Uncle Jimmy looked slightly nervous as he sat down among the teenagers and Dean could hardly blame him. He didn't know what had possessed the man to give in to the girls’ persistent nagging but here he was, about to play a game with them like he had nothing better to do on a Saturday evening.

Not that Dean was complaining, not anymore. Man, his soul-searching had taken about twenty minutes, he’d known he wasn’t a deep person but goddamn. Still, ever since Dean had acquainted himself with his dick he had stopped doubting it.

"So," Jimmy started. "What are we playing?"

As Dean lifted the now empty soda bottle and looked pointedly at Allie he started wondering if there wasn’t alcohol involved here somehow. What else would compel him to suggest: "Spin-the-bottle, wasn’t it?"

Allie lit up and Dean smirked at her. She rose and took the bottle from him. "Oh, definitely." She answered and the girls tittered while the boys groaned.

"Sure." Jimmy said slowly, observing the teenagers’ different reactions. "How does it work?"

Allie shrugged. "It’s easy." She placed the bottle on the floor and everyone arranged themselves almost automatically in a circle around it, even Jimmy. "You spin the bottle and whomever it lands on you have to kiss."

"On the mouth." Belinda added.

"Right." Allie tapped her lips. "Tongue optional." She smirked and Dean could swear Jimmy blushed slightly. Awesome.

Dean cleared his throat. "Is that all?" he asked, trying to sound like there was supposed to be more. He was pleased when Allie frowned in confusion.

"Yeah."

He snorted. "Sorry, just thought Pontiac would’ve been better at this."

"Oh, yeah?" Allie put her hands on her hips, clearly accepting his challenge. Oh, he liked her. "How do you play it where _you_ come from, Dean?"

" Well," Dean shrugged, trying to sound casual. "First of all, _everyone_ has to kiss. That means same gender too." Yeah, that certainly got protests from the guys. They quieted when Allie held up a hand though.

" And second?"

"Second, you can tap out but then you loose and where I come from, we play to win." He said the last part with his eyes locked on Jimmy. Yeah, he was definitely looking nervous now but he was still sitting here. Dean felt pleased even when he knew he shouldn’t.

"What do you mean?" Allie narrowed her eyes at him. "There are no winners in this game."

"Sure there are." Dean smirked. "Plus, you add a prize and the last person to not have tapped out gets it."

She considered this for a moment. "What’s the prize?"

"Whatever." Dean hadn’t really thought that far ahead. "Winner gets his homework done by the rest of us for a week?" he suggested and Allie snorted.

"Or _hers_." She enunciated and he smirked wider.

" Or hers." He conceded.

"That’s not fair." Sandra piped up and everyone turned to look at her almost as if they’d forgotten they were at her party and not Allie’s. "Uncle Jimmy has no homework, not that we can do at least."

"That’s quite alright." Jimmy started and looked like he was getting up. "You can play this game witho—"

"Do you drive?" Dean asked, his voice raising to quite Jimmy’s mumbling and it worked. Jimmy looked confusedly at him for a moment.

"Yes." He answered eventually.

Dean shrugged. "Fine, then if Jimmy wins we’ll wash his car for a week." Dean grinned at the man when the rest of the room agreed in unison. If Jimmy was somehow effected by Dean not calling him _Uncle_ like the rest of the teens he didn’t show it.

" So." Allie clapped her hands once. "We’re all good?" when it looked like one of the boys was going to protest she clapped her hands again, harder. "_Good_. Let’s get started." She bent down and spun the bottle and it landed on Jack/Bert. She stepped over to him and pecked him quickly on the lips. Jack/Bert looked like he wanted more but she turned around again to face Jimmy. " See, now it’s Jack’s turn." She explained and sat down when Jimmy nodded.

Round and round the bottle went and it landed on Dean quite a couple of times. He wasn’t complaining though, just wanted a certain pair of lips on him but however he spun the goddamn thing it would only land on the other, less interesting people. He was starting to fear Jimmy would tap out soon. He was so engrossed with thinking about why he wanted to kiss Jimmy and how it would feel that he almost missed that he was supposed to kiss Belinda.

It took no time at all for almost all of the guys to tap out. Some of the girls did too, when it landed on another girl and Sandra did when it landed on Jimmy. She poked her tongue out at him and he smiled and shook his head fondly. Jack tapped out when it landed on Jimmy so Dean didn’t get to know if Jimmy would’ve done it first. It felt like kind of a relief but he didn’t know why.

When Allie’s spin landed on Jimmy she all but climbed into his lap and Dean started liking her less. Jimmy let that kiss go on for much longer than was strictly necessary, or even appropriate, and Dean got a sour feeling in his stomach that he chalked up to the pineapple on the pizza.

Dean had already kissed a dude — Anton, and it lasted just as long as all of Dean’s other kisses, except the one with Cindy where he’d felt obliged to slip her tongue — when his spin _fucking finally_ landed on Jimmy so no one was surprised to see him shrug and crawl over to Jimmy.

Jimmy, however, suddenly floundered. It was cute, even if Dean wanted to shoot himself for thinking so.

"Ah, you-you don’t have to, Dean." Jimmy stammered out and Dean smirked, getting catcalls from the girls and actually some of the boys as well, even the onlookers that had tapped out.

"I kinda have to, Jim." He stated, settling beside Jimmy. "I suggested the prize and I don’t feel like giving it away."

"Yeah, I-I…"

"You gonna tap out?" Fuck, Dean was so close now, he’d almost forgotten the rest of the room. Jimmy’s eyelashes were thick and black like his hair and his eyes practically sparkled. His breathing seemed labored this close up and Dean found himself wanting it to be because of him. "I _am_ your first boy-kiss of the evening, you tapping?" God, he hoped not.

" No-no, that’s not what I—"

"Good." Dean breathed out and all but straddled Jimmy’s thigh, slipping his hand around Jimmy’s neck to keep him steady and quickly pressing his mouth to the man’s.

Fuck. It was with impressing restraint that he managed to hold back the moan that bubbled up inside him.

Jimmy tasted sweet and his lips were much softer than they looked. They trembled slightly against Dean’s but when Dean swiped his tongue against the lower lip, Jimmy opened obediently. This made Dean’s grip on the man’s neck firmer and he barely resisted pressing closer, suddenly very aware of the eyes on them, including Cindy’s. But fucking hell, Jimmy’s tongue was wrestling Dean’s for dominance and Dean wanted him to just fucking press Dean down on a bed and let Dean hump his leg like a freaking dog. Dean wanted so much in that moment. To lean closer, to tilt Jimmy’s head back, to deepen the kiss, to nip and bite along Jimmy’s neck. To feel Jimmy’s dick against his own.

But they were still in a room full of Dean’s peers and Jimmy’s niece so Dean pulled back — only because it didn’t seem like Jimmy would — and smirked, like this was no big deal.

"Your turn." He announced as cheerily as he could and slid out of Jimmy’s lap to inspect the damage. He could conceal his hard-on as long as he sat down and the girls were looking at him like he was the hottest piece of pie in the universe. Some of the guys looked disgusted but some looked unaffected and Anton looked like he needed to take a shower. Jimmy’s hand shook as he spun the bottle.

It landed on Anton and he tapped out immediately, looking like he was going to faint and then dashed straight for the bathroom. Dean and Allie laughed.

The game continued for a while, more and more tapping out. Jimmy left when the next spin landed on him, excusing himself and everyone kind of assumed he was just tired of playing with the kids. Dean’s eyes were trained on the man as he all but wobbled out of there. Dean tapped out on the next chance he got.

"Gotta use the bathroom, guys." He prompted when everyone complained and put a hand on his stomach to let them think what they wanted. They seemed to accept this as "his loss" and no one followed him when he went in the general direction of the bathroom, all the while trying to figure out where Jimmy could be hiding. Dean hadn’t heard his car leave, he thought, so that was a good sign at least.

Fortunately he didn’t have to look for long, or even that hard. Just as he was walking down the hall to the downstairs bathroom, Jimmy emerged from an adjacent room. Dean stopped dead in his tracks, a smile forming on his lips and Jimmy looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Dean." He nearly stammered. "What are you doing here?"

Jimmy had seemed so cool when he first entered the party, flourishing pizzas and being all grown-up and whatnot but as the evening and the game had progressed… Dean wanted more of that floundering now.

He put his hands on his hips and swayed them a little in that way that had made the guidance counselor in his last school budge her eyes out. It worked equally well with this man, Dean found.

"I was looking for the bathroom." He stated as if he didn’t already know where it was.

"Oh." Did Jimmy look relieved? Disappointed? It was hard to tell and it annoyed Dean. "It’s just down the hall." Jimmy turned half-ways to point to the last door on the left and Dean took the opportunity to slip closer so that when Jimmy turned back Dean was well into his personal space. Jimmy jumped when he noticed.

"Which one? I wasn’t paying attention."

"You…"

"Show me." Dean asked without asking and started walking so that Jimmy would have to back up or chance the teen running into him. Dean wanted a little bit of both but as he really wanted Jimmy to himself behind a locked door he was immensely pleased when Jimmy stumbled back towards the bathroom.

Jimmy pushed the door open when they reached it. "It’s… You…"

Yeah, Dean was well past playing games now. He looked around them quickly to determine that they were indeed unobserved and then he simply pushed Jimmy inside. The man made a startled yelp but for all his adulthood, Dean found him extremely easy to manhandle and Dean soon had him where he wanted him: pressed up against the closed bathroom door.

"What are you doing?" Jimmy hissed and Dean pressed closer with a smirk, locking the door behind the man’s back.

"What does it look like? Have you never fooled around in a bathroom on a party before?"

Truth be told, neither had Dean, but that was hardly something he would be revealing now. The man’s hands immediately went to Dean’s hips when he put his hands on Jimmy’s chest, but it seemed like he was going to push Dean away. Hell no. Dean simply pushed closer and nudge the man’s legs open a little to press his knee against Jimmy’s crotch. He wasn’t hard, just barely sporting a semi, but he gasped nonetheless and Dean allowed himself to moan. Who the fuck knew feeling another guy’s dick would feel like this? And why had no one told him?

"Why-why are you doing this?" Jimmy breathed out in a shaky voice and Dean leaned in to nip along his scruffy jaw. It felt exhilarating. "You’re just a child."

That comment hit a little close to home for Dean’s liking so he just slotted Jimmy’s leg between his own, rubbing his own hard cock against the man’s hip. It made Jimmy’s dick jump.

"Then why are you liking this?"

"I don’t _know_." Jimmy all but sobbed and Dean smirked. Damn, he had to be good if he could make grown men cry. That thought made him pause.

He leaned out a little, leaving only their pelvises crushed together still. "How old are you by the way?"

It took a long time for Jimmy to answer. His eyes kept darting this way and that but never meeting Dean’s. His body was basically trembling in Dean’s hold and although it was adorable Dean kind of wanted the more confident pizza-flourishing Jimmy back.

"Twenty." Jimmy eventually whispered and Dean did a double take. First of all, what the hell? The guy looked a teenager. And second, what the actual fuck? This was seriously illegal. And yet, here they were…

"Well," Dean purred in Jimmy’s ear, his whole body on fire and Jimmy all but whimpered. "Then we’ll have to be _really_ quiet, don’t you think?" he grazed his teeth along the shell of Jimmy’s ear. "_No one_ can know about this, right?"

Jimmy whined something that may have been an agreement and that was all Dean needed. Dean’s hips had been still for too long anyway, his dick still hard and throbbing in his confining jeans and by the feel of it, Jimmy’s was in no better condition.

When Dean bucked his hips against him, Jimmy flung his head back. It hit door with a dull thud and he groaned deeply, seemingly already forgetting about being quiet but fuck if Dean cared. He wanted more of that voice, wanted to see just how low it could get. He leaned in and pressed wet, sloppy kisses to the man’s neck and Jimmy’s hands skimmed down to actually grab Dean’s ass and set a pace for their thrusting hips. It felt amazing.

Jimmy’s hands were strong and sure and he angled his dick so that they brushed together once in a while. For all Dean’s bravado he had never actually had an orgasm together with someone else but with this man he didn’t even feel nervous about it. Just felt the need to do it already. Needed to come so badly after so little that he should be scared but he wasn’t. Jimmy was steady and firm, he smelled of decidedly manly scents and it made Dean’s head swim in a way not even Cindy’s boobs did.

In no time at all, his dick was quivering and leaking and he realized he had stopped kissing anything and just clung to Jimmy’s body like a leech. Not very sexy but fuck, he was so hot and he had never felt a need to release so badly before.

"So," he managed to grunt against Jimmy’s neck. "How do we do this with the least amount of mess?" it was an honest to God question of his. They would both still need to face a whole house full of people and Dean didn’t fancy having to go out there with his pants sticky with come and probably reek of it too. At least the guys would know what it meant. So, honest as the question was it came out in a voice so thick with arousal that Dean didn’t even recognize it himself and the question sounded lewd even to his own ears, like he knew exactly what he wanted to do. Fuck if he did though.

Jimmy shivered against him and Dean realized that Jimmy, too, had noticed Dean’s tone of voice. Jimmy cleared his throat and Dean felt the rumble in his chest. Their hips slowed down and Dean wanted to whine but managed not to, wanted to stay in control.

"We could…" Jimmy couched again. "I could suck you off and then… then you, me… and that-that…"

Dean was staring incredulously at Jimmy’s beautiful — yeah, he said it — face and Jimmy was pointedly not meeting his eyes again. Jimmy was suggesting they blow each other and probably swallowing. It was so hot Dean had to slowly roll his dick against Jimmy’s leg to keep from coming. Jimmy noticed, of course, and actually looked up. Dean stopped breathing for a moment. Fuck, Jimmy’s eyes were big and round but his pupils were so blow from lust that there was nearly no blue left.

"On your knees." Dean rasped out, surprised at his own assertiveness but not as surprised as he got when Jimmy just sat down without questioning. Just slid down to his knees and started slowly unbuckling Dean’s belt. Slowly, Dean supposed, to give Dean a chance to change his mind but fucking hell. Dean growled and slapped the man’s hands away, ripping his jeans open and Jimmy took the hint from that.

When the man’s slim fingers curled around Dean’s warm cock, Dean’s legs almost gave out and he had to put his hands somewhere. They landed in Jimmy’s hair but the man didn’t complain. Just pulled Dean out of his pants and started licking up Dean’s length without any reservations.

"Fuck." Dean grunted and gripped Jimmy’s hair tightly.

Jimmy’s tongue was hot and wet and felt so fucking good against Dean’s heated skin. His hips were already stuttering against Jimmy’s hold and Dean had to bite his lower lip to keep from screaming when Jimmy closed his mouth around the head of Dean’s cock.

Jimmy started bobbing his head in a steady pace and Dean wanted nothing more than to fuck deeper down the man’s throat. Jimmy’s face looked angelic like this; his eyes closed in apparent bliss, his cheeks hollowing on the way up and the way his lips stretched around Dean’s girth. Dean was in no way fully grown yet but fuck, deep down Jimmy’s throat he felt like a giant. When one of Jimmy’s hands came up to fondle Dean’s tight balls Dean felt his whole body seize up.

"Fuck, yeah, babe." He groaned, probably too loud and no even realizing what he was saying. "Just like that, gonna come soon. Shit, gonna come down your greedy mouth. Fuck."

Jimmy made a whining sound and it reverberated through Dean’s core, flaring the flame that travelled up and down his spine. When Jimmy suddenly trailed his other hand back to press against Dean’s opening, Dean was done for. His ass cheeks clenched around the fingers grazing there and he gripped Jimmy’s hair hard to keep him still as he came down the man’s throat. Spurt after spurt went out of him as he clenched his jaw together to keep from shouting like he wanted to and Jimmy was swallowing it like a pro.

His breath returned in a whoosh when he was about done and he realized foggily that he’d been holding it. Man, his legs felt like jelly and he just wanted to go to sleep. Never in his life had he come that hard and that was just from a sloppy blow-job. He really wanted to know where Jimmy’s fingers had been going. A sound below him drew his attention and when he looked down his dick twitched painfully at the sight.

Jimmy was on his knees, his dick pulled out of his slacks and his hand flying desperately over it like he didn’t care about making a mess. Like he fucking needed to come yesterday. Goddamn, Dean felt hot all over.

In a sudden gust of post-orgasmic confidence, he put one foot on Jimmy’s chest and pushed back a little, making the man straighten up. "Let go of your dick, Jim." Dean all but growled, not even caring that his own was still hanging out and that his pants were half-way down his ass. Jimmy whine and stilled his hand but didn’t let go. Dean stepped closer to the man and snagged his messy hair in one hand, bending his head back. "Do what I say." He said in a soothing voice but managed to make the request sound threatening. Jimmy shuddered and did as told and fuck if that wasn’t hot. Dean had really wanted the man to take control, to push Dean up against the door and rut against Dean’s ass but he would fucking take what he could get out of this.

With a hard shove he had Jimmy sitting back on his rump, back leaned against the door and his legs sprawled just right for Dean to climb in-between and he did so without abandon.

Jimmy’s dick was hard and red and leaking, right there in Dean’s face. It was bigger than Dean’s in every aspect of the word and Dean had never in his fucking life sucked a dick or anything like it. Had never even thought about it but now it was all he ever wanted. Well, he thought and gripped the base, he had eaten bananas before, he just figured he’d use less teeth.

Whatever he did seemed to do the trick for Jimmy, though, because as soon as Dean took the tip in his mouth, Jimmy’s hips bucked up as much as they could in this position and Jimmy groaned deeply.

"Oh, please." He pressed out and Dean reveled in the reverent sound of the man’s voice. Boosted, Dean sank lower and Jimmy’s breath hitched. "_Please_ , Dean, need to… I-ah!"

Okay, this was harder than Dean would’ve thought, than Jimmy had made it seem and Dean wondered just how many dicks Jimmy had trained on before now. Maybe Jimmy was some kind of slut? It made Dean’s cheeks hot to think about.

He wriggled closer, pressing his palms against Jimmy’s hipbones and took as much of the man as he could into his mouth.

Jimmy groaned again and then Dean felt slim fingers traveling down his back to his ass and he was acutely aware that he was sitting so that his ass was elevated. Jimmy seemed to like it though. He was kneading and caressing Dean’s cheeks even as his dick leaked more of that bitter pre-come in Dean’s eager mouth.

Jimmy was practically sobbing now from the immense need to release and Dean pressed his fingers against the man’s balls, slipping down and rubbing against the skin beneath. This seemed to do the trick as Jimmy suddenly smacked a hand over his own mouth, whimpering and shooting off his load into Dean’s mouth. It took Dean a little unawares and he sputtered but managed to swallow most of it down and what little dribbled down his chin he swiped off with his finger and brought it too to his mouth to lick off.

Jimmy was slumped against the door, staring at Dean as if he couldn’t believe what was happening and Dean could hardly blame him; Dean nearly didn’t believe it either. He looked down and saw that Jimmy’s dick still was decidedly sticky. Shrugging a little to himself he bent down to press the flat of his tongue against it and swipe it clean. Jimmy groaned and shivered but soon pushed at Dean’s shoulder to get him to detach. Dean did so with a smirk.

"There, no evidence left, right?" Dean stated and inspected his fingers. Jimmy was still looking at him dazedly. "What?"

"I can’t believe we just did that."

Dean liked the way Jimmy’s voice sounded now, all deep and raspy. Gravelly, even. This man was fun. Fun to tease, fun to look at and definitely fun to do sex-stuff with.

"I can’t believe it felt like you’ve done that before." Dean grinned and Jimmy looked away, blushing furiously.

"I-I have…"

"Fucking yes." Dean breathed and leaned closer, capturing Jimmy’s lips before the man could protest. The taste of his own come mixed with Jimmy’s was turning Dean on much more than he would’ve thought it would. Jimmy’s hands snaked up and pulled Dean down so that Dean was sitting in his lap, their spent dicks nestled together and Dean shuddered pleasantly.

"We-ah, we should get going." Jimmy mumbled after a moment and Dean nodded, only a little disappointed.

"Sure, yeah."

They stood and straightened out their clothes and Jimmy actually plucked a toothbrush from the stand on the sink to brush his teeth. Dean made a face at him and Jimmy smiled apologetically.

"It’s my spare."

Dean laughed. "Okay."

"You wanna?" Jimmy held up his brush but Dean shook his head, just accepting the toothpaste.

"Naw, dude. I’ll put your dick in my mouth but your toothbrush is where I draw my limit." He smirked when Jimmy blushed again.

"Sure." He mumbled and started brushing his teeth as Dean sloshed the paste around with some water, trying not to swallow.

"Still can’t believe you’ve done guys before." Dean stated after a moment and Jimmy nearly chocked on his brush. "I mean, you look good and all but I thought Sandra’s whole family were religious and shit."

Jimmy turned a glare at Dean and it certainly ignited Dean’s groin. Hells yeah, this was how this was man supposed to look. All imposing and fierce.

"We _are_." He said firmly and Dean nodded once.

" Gotcha." He smirked and let himself out of the bathroom. Man, that was _fun_. He sure needed to do that again.

As he sat down beside Cindy, realizing no one had really missed him — typical — he was already starting to formulate a plan to get alone with this Jimmy Novak again. Preferably somewhere where they could be loud and messy. Yes, Jimmy holding Dean down and his dick spurting all over Dean suddenly seemed like the best idea ever and not even Cindy’s boobs pressed against his arm could distract him from it.

  


### 4.

  


As it turned out, Dean didn’t have to do very much. Actually, he didn’t have to do squat. Three days later there was a knock on the door to the motel room they were currently crashing in and when Dean swung the door open it revealed a confused looking Jimmy.

"Well, hello there." Dean said and grinned like the Cheshire cat. "Fancy seeing you here."

He couldn’t be more pleased. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about the man since the party that Saturday. He and his dick both. Man, he had spent so much time jerking it in the shower that Sammy had started complaining about Dean using up all the hot water, which of course was true. But what the hell was he supposed to do?! Making out with Cindy was a drag now and Dean had nothing else for stress relief. Except now Jimmy was here and the timing couldn’t be better what with this being Sammy’s field trip day, leaving Dean alone well into the evening. He leaned casually against the door frame as Jimmy took in his surroundings.

"You live here?" the man asked eventually and Dean’s face dropped.

"What of it?"

Jimmy finally turned his blue eyes on Dean and he looked like he was sorry he had offended Dean. "Nothing." He hastened to say, which of course made it worse. "I just… I thought Sandra was kidding with me."

Dean sighed. "What are you doing here, Jimmy?"

"I…" Jimmy’s eyes shifted. "Could we talk inside?"

Despite feeling like a shit for having the life he had, Dean was pleased with the proposition and waved the man in with a newly revived grin. Door closed and locked, he turned to look at Jimmy who was just standing there in the middle of the room, looking like he didn’t know what to do with himself. Was probably his first time in a crappy motel room like this one, Dean mused and secretly hated the man a little for it.

He walked closer and gestured for Jimmy to sit on the bed, which he did, Dean noted smugly. "Please, talk." He urged and sat down beside the man, just a little too close. Jimmy tensed.

"I just wanted to talk to you about Saturday."

"Sure, lovely day wasn’t it?"

Yeah, Dean was being a douche on purpose but come on, this guy was practically asking for it. He leaned back a little on the bed, trying to display himself in the least whorish way he could manage that would still draw the right kind of attention.

"You know what I mean." Jimmy grumbled out and turned to look at Dean. His eyes budged out a little and he seemed to lose his composure at the sight. Bingo.

"Whatever are you talking about?" Dean asked as innocently as he could and ever so slightly opened his legs. Fuck, he was already growing hard in his jeans and he wasn’t even sorry. This day had started out miserably, like every other Tuesday stuck in shitty Pontiac, Illinois but it was really starting to shape up to be awesome. Jimmy smelled good.

"_This!_" Jimmy exclaimed, gesturing to Dean with his long, slender fingers. Dean remembered them between his ass cheeks and he nearly moaned.

" What? I can’t lie around on my bed?"

Suddenly Jimmy was above Dean, looking fierce and angry and fucking _hot_. He was not straddling Dean per say but he came really fucking close to and Dean had to bite his lower lip to keep from whimpering.

" Don’t tell me you don’t know what you’re doing, _Dean_." Jimmy grumbled out and his voice had gotten much deeper, either with anger or with arousal, either way it shot straight to Dean’s dick. " You’re just a _child_." He said it so accusingly that Dean wondered whom it was directed to. Himself for wanting Dean or Dean for not acting his age. Fuck if Dean knew, or cared.

His hands shot up and he grasped the lapels of the coat Jimmy was wearing, pulling the man down for a deep kiss, barely conscious of his own actions. Jimmy whimpered against Dean’s mouth and Dean easily coaxed the man’s lips apart. Jimmy lowered himself on top of Dean with a shudder and Dean groaned, both from the weight and from the feel of the man’s hard-on pressing against Dean’s pelvis.

"Fuck, yeah." He pressed out and Jimmy’s hips bucked down.

"This-this was not why I came here." Jimmy stammered and Dean smirked against the skin of the man’s neck.

"I’m not complaining." He stated and started sucking a hickey into the delicate skin. Jimmy moaned more wantonly than Dean thought a man would be able to and his hips set a bruising pace.

Dean worked Jimmy’s button-down open with clumsy fingers and Jimmy all but ripped Dean’s tee over his head. Shit, Dean needed this man naked and apparently Jimmy was on board for that. Their clothes went flying and Jimmy’s hands shook against Dean’s zipper when Dean managed to pull the man’s slacks open. The wet patch at the head of Jimmy’s cock made Dean a little less self-conscious of his own damp boxers but fuck if it didn’t make Dean leak some more.

"Want you naked, Jim." Dean groaned and Jimmy whimpered again and stood up to slide his pants off. Dean took the opportunity to shimmy out of his jeans and when he was done he looked up to see Jimmy standing by the side of the bed, all naked and stroking his hard dick while looking hungrily at Dean. Dean shivered.

"Beautiful." Jimmy murmured with lust-blow eyes and that was fucking it. Dean didn’t know very much about sex and he certainly knew even less about gay sex but he had to have Jimmy over him, _now_.

" Fuck, Jim, you look so hot." Dean moaned brokenly and grabbed his own throbbing dick, sliding ungracefully up the bed. "Get on top of me now, need to fucking feel you, man."

Jimmy made a choked off sound before crawling onto the bed to comply. He looked so eager and so debauched from so little that Dean started to wonder who the fuck the virgin was here. As soon as Jimmy was close enough, Dean grabbed a hold of him and they were kissing again. Wet and rough and so much better now that they were naked. Jimmy was so warm and solid against Dean and Dean loved the weight of the man pressing him down into the mattress.

Their hard cocks pressed together and Dean’s legs opened on their own to wrap around Jimmy’s waist. The both of them groaned deeply at the pleasurable spikes that shot through them. The slide was a bit rough without lube but Dean didn’t fucking care enough to pause what they were doing to go get some. They were both leaking pre-come enough for them to manage anyway and Dean nearly shouted when Jimmy reached between them to fist them both in one hand.

"Fuck, yeah, baby." He grunted and rutted up into Jimmy’s grasp. "You’re so fucking hot, want to feel you all over me." He was hardly paying attention to what he was saying but Jimmy moaned at his words and buried his face against Dean’s neck.

"Feels so good, Dean." He panted against Dean’s damp skin and Dean could feel that familiar coil in his lower back pull tighter.

"Yeah?" his hips were practically shooting off the bed by now, pressing wildly against Jimmy. "You close baby? Fucking know I am." He turned his face a little to both mouth at Jimmy’s hair and to smell the man. "Want to feel you though, want you to come all over me."

"Dean, oh my _God_ , Dean." Jimmy was practically sobbing now and Dean reached down to grab a hand-full of the man’s deliciously rounded ass, just to _squeeze_ , and Jimmy’s body was seizing up, hips stuttering.

"Do it Jimmy." Dean growled against Jimmy’s sweat-damp hair. "Fucking come over me."

When he did, it was with Dean’s name on his lips, in a scream so loud that Dean knew the neighbors heard it but goddamn, it was beautiful. Jimmy’s body shook in Dean’s grip, his dick expanding and pulsing out spurt after spurt but his hand didn’t slow down in the least, just continued jerking them off and spreading his mess all over Dean’s aching cock. It felt fucking perfect.

Dean’s back arched painfully as his hips snapped up one last time and he was coming too, his jaw clenched shut tightly and his breath leaving him through his nose even as his sperm shot out to mix with Jimmy’s between them.

"Shit." Jimmy mumbled eventually and Dean laughed breathlessly.

"Shit, indeed." Dean agreed and nudged Jimmy in the side. "You’re crushing me dude."

"Oh!" Jimmy shot off Dean so fast Dean almost regretted saying anything. "I’m sorry."

Dean made a face at him. "I didn’t say leave, just, I dunno, roll to the side or something."

But Jimmy was standing at the foot of the bed, raking his clean hand down his face and looking decidedly horrified, probably with himself and the situation but those arguments did nothing for Dean’s self-consciousness. He shifted awkwardly, acutely aware of the sticky mess on his stomach and chest.

"I… I shouldn’t have done that." Jimmy said eventually and Dean sighed, sitting up.

"Spring off me like I was on fire? No, for future reference that’s pretty uncool." He met Jimmy’s pained eyes with a levelled glare. "Even I know that and I’m just a _child_."

" Exactly." Jimmy sat down beside him and it was somehow uncomfortable that they were naked now that the urgency was gone. "I came here to apologize for my behavior on Saturday and to check in on you, that I..." he looked down to his hands in his lap. "That you weren’t hurt or…"

Dean sighed. "I came on to you, you dweeb."

"I know, but I’m the adult."

Dean met Jimmy’s imploring eyes and he sighed again, looking down at his own feet. This was getting pretty old pretty quickly. Hell, he’d just wanted to fool around during what little time he had left in Pontiac. That Jimmy was a guy just added some extra spice to it and the age-thing actually turned Dean on more than it probably should. Jimmy was seriously good-looking too, the fact that he was the first man to catch Dean’s attention was proof enough of that. But goddamnit, if the man was going to be this insecure and this hard to work with it was starting to look less fun.

"Look," Dean started and took one of Jimmy’s hands in his, hardly believing that he would be saying this to a fucking twenty-year old. "We had some fun, okay, but let’s just…" he looked up and met Jimmy’s eyes. Shit, they looked so sad. "But you’re an adult and I’m a kid." He nodded when Jimmy did, encourage that he was doing the right thing. "And let’s face it, I live in a motel, I’m not even staying in Pontiac for much longer." And God did he hope that was true this time around.

Jimmy nodded. "Yeah. Good." He squeezed Dean’s hand and actually smiled a little. It made Dean’s heart flutter uncomfortably. "So we’re good? You okay?"

Dean pfft’d and shoved playfully at Jimmy’s shoulder. "I’m _fine_. Now stop being a girl for a second so you can clean up and get the hell out of my room, Knight Rider is on."

Jimmy’s smile grew and Dean’s stomach did _not_ flip at the sight. Jimmy was gone not five minutes later.

Much later, when Sammy was snoring soundly in the other bed, Dean allowed himself one moment of weakness and hugged his pillow to his face, muffling his open-mouth gasps as he tried to control the sobs that threatened to escape and make this tangible. He realized dimly there, in the protection of the dark, that Jimmy Novak might very well have been his first crush, however briefly it had lasted.

Yeah, Dean had never been gladder to leave a town than when dad came to collect them and whisk them away from Pontiac fucking Illinois. Dean hoped he never, ever returned.

  
  



	2. Later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, with the intro out of the way it's time to step up the pace!
> 
> And this is the episode-related chapter, I'm seriously butchering some scenes from season 4 here but you know what? Porn, that's what.

  
  


### 1.

  


"You sure you did the ritual right?"

Bobby gave Dean such a bitch-face that Dean wondered if he had been taking lessons from Sam. He mumbled out an apology, not at all hinting at Bobby being touchy or anything, and sat back a little, trying not to feel uncomfortable. But how the hell could he not, what with them sitting around waiting for whatever had "rescued" Dean? Yeah, that’s right, he’d just air quoted the shit out of that. Who the hell even knew if he was safe yet? This thing they were trying to summon, he hoped, but how the hell could any of them know? With his luck and track record it was bound to be something awful waiting for him in the shadows.

Waking up in his own grave, digging himself out and finding himself in fucking Pontiac had been awful to say the least and he was not even sure if he deserved to be back, or if he even was back for real. Who know if this wasn’t some goddamn play on him administrated by Alastair? That would certainly explain why it had had to be Pontiac, the city with some of Dean’s worst memories.

Actually, for all Dean knew, it _would_ be Alastair walking into the barn any minute now and could he really handle that? Handle having Bobby see how Alastair would treat Dean and how Dean would maybe, maybe not respond? He started sweating just thinking about it. This had been a bad idea. He should just take Bobby outside and—

Suddenly the roof started banging and the whole barn shook. Light bulbs were shattering and Bobby looked at Dean with both confusion and… fear? Was Bobby anxious? It made Dean scared as shit. He swallowed and straightened up.

"Wishful thinking but maybe it’s just the wind." He tried joking but by the looks of it Bobby wasn’t buying it and to be frank, neither did Dean. They both steeled themselves and turned to the front of the barn as it shook around them, just cocking their shot guns and waiting. This was such a bad idea even Dean was willing to admit it out loud but it was too late now.

The barn doors flew open and more light bulbs shattered. Bobby and Dean both jerked and covered their heads. When they looked up again there was a man standing in the opening. He was silhouetted against the moon light from outside but he didn’t look that impressive. Then again, Lilith had been a child so Dean wasn’t buying it. It made him and Bobby hesitate though and then figure was drawing closer.

Bulbs kept getting destroyed and they got fleeting pictures of the man as he stalked towards them and Dean wasn’t hesitating anymore, just lifted his gun and took the shot. Bobby followed right after and there was no question about it; they both hit the man straight in the chest, his little suite and billowing trench coat getting shredded by the blasts. But he just kept walking.

This, this was all kinds of weird. Sure, they didn’t know what they were dealing with so they couldn’t be sure what would hurt the creature but Dean was starting to think there was something else going on here. His stomach lurched when he got a good look at the man’s face and he knew that face. He couldn’t really place it, not entirely, but it was _so_ familiar.

The man just kept walking and it was clear he was headed to Dean, his expression carefully schooled in a neutral expression and fuck, there was something about his eyes.

Dean slung the shot gun away and turned to pick up Ruby’s demon knife. The man came to a complete stop in front of Dean and Dean could perceive Bobby circling the man but when Dean’s eyes met the brilliantly blue in front of him his breath stopped. The man looked so… so _in awe_ as he looked at Dean but Dean’s blood had frozen in his veins. It couldn’t be. No, not even Dean’s life was this cruel. Right?

" Who are you?" Dean demanded, his voice thankfully not as unsteady as he felt.

The man turned fully to Dean. "I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition." He answered and fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"Yeah?" Dean gripped the knife tightly. "Thanks for that."

Oh hell no! The man, _Jimmy fucking Novak_ , quirked his lips up in a small little smile. What the fuck kind of game was the world playing with Dean? Goddamn everything to hell. With renewed anger, Dean plunged the knife straight into Jimmy’s heart but… but Jimmy didn’t even flinch. No light flashing and no agonized screaming. He just looked at Dean and when Dean stepped back, Jimmy just glanced down and pulled out the knife like it was dirt stuck on his chest. He dropped it to the floor, all the while his unwavering gaze glued to Dean’s dumbstruck face. Dean faltered. What the hell was going on?

He snuck a quick glance to Bobby who stood behind this version of Jimmy, already brandishing a pipe and Bobby didn’t hesitate, just pulled back to load for a hit directly to Jimmy’s exposed back. But fuck, Jimmy’s eyes never left Dean’s as he reached back just in time to catch the pipe. Fucking hell, it was the coolest thing Dean had ever seen and he hated himself for thinking so. But either this was Jimmy and Dean had been played with ever since he was a child or this was no longer Jimmy and someone had a good laugh at Dean’s expense. Either way, he should _not_ be sporting a semi at seeing his old crush ninja Bobby around.

Jimmy twirled around and put two fingers to Bobby’s stunned face, mumbling something and then Bobby was sinking to the floor, either dead or unconscious.

When he turned back to Dean his expression was somewhere between sympathizing and apologetic. "We need to talk, Dean." He glanced down to Bobby on the floor. "Alone."

This was fucked up. In fact, so fucked up that Dean did revert to single-mindedness and focused on one thing at a time. Pushing past Jimmy, he bent down beside Bobby, fumbling to find his pulse and to see him breathing.

"What did you do to him?"

"He’s sleeping."

Dean whirled around to face Jimmy. "Okay, you start talking right the fuck now."

Jimmy looked pleased, as if Dean’s angry tone totally had escaped him and it of course made Dean even angrier. "Of course, Dean." Jimmy said in that monotone tone of voice and Dean winced. The man’s voice was deeper and rougher, more like what Jimmy had sounded like when he’d been angry or aroused and _Dean couldn’t fucking believe he was remembering that_. That was fifteen years ago! Hell, he was more than double that age now and yet… Seeing Jimmy brought it all back and he suspected the memory was fueled by the shock of waking up in Pontiac. Nothing else, no sir.

He raked his hand through his short hair. "What the fuck is going on, Jimmy?" he demanded but Jimmy frowned confusedly at him and cocked his head to the side.

"Who is Jimmy?"

"What?" Dean all but yelled and gestured wildly at the man. "You!"

Jimmy cocked his head even further to the side before realization dawned. "Oh!" he actually smiled a little at that and it looked so secret and intimate that Dean’s stomach did that lurch again. "You mean my vessel."

"I…" Dean just stared, more confused than he had ever been in his entire life, including crawling out of his own grave after forty fucking years in hell. "Vessel?"

The man pinched at the trench coat he was wearing. "Yes, Jimmy Novak."

"You’re possessing him?" Dean nearly snarled. This was suddenly making much more sense.

Unfortunately, the creature in Jimmy’s meatsuit just looked confused again. "Jimmy is a very devout man, he actually prayed for this."

Dean snorted. "No he fucking did not."

Not-Jimmy stepped closer and Dean’s breath hitched. _Goddamnit, even after so long._

" What’s the matter, Dean?"

"The matter is that you’re fucking possessing someone I knew and—" he started but immediately shut his mouth before he could reveal too much. "You-you’re using him. I want to talk to him. I want to make sure he’s at least a little okay."

Not-Jimmy cocked his head to the side. "I’m afraid that is impossible."

"No it isn’t." Dean spat defiantly. "Look, I know how possession works, you can just step aside or whatever and let me talk to Jimmy."

He was looking at Dean with that sympathetic face again and Dean didn’t like it; reminded him of the last time he’d seen Jimmy. Fifteen fucking years ago and it still hurt.

"I’m sorry, I’m not possessing him. I’m borrowing his body. Jimmy’s consciousness is lying dormant in his mind so that he doesn’t take damage from the work I have to perform."

Goddamnit, that gravelly voice was distracting. "What?" Dean mumbled, realizing that he had hardly understood what was being said. "What work? What the hell _are_ you?"

Not-Jimmy stepped back, quirking his lips again. "My name is Castiel. I am an Angel of the Lord."

Dean snorted at Not-Jimmy’s pleased expression and it faltered. "Fuck you, angels aren’t real, man."

"This is your problem, Dean. You have no faith." Castiel, or whatever, scolded kindly.

The supposed angel stepped back even more and yet another lamp bulb flashed to pieces to create enough of a flash for Dean to witness the shadow of a giant pair of wings that expanded behind the man. He stared, shocked and mouth just a little dry. Fuck. Jimmy in this version looked so powerful it made Dean’s knees weak and he fucking hated it. His dick did not.

"So…" he started and the wings disappeared just as quickly.

"I assure you, Dean, I am no man."

"No, no I got that…" Dean mumbled, trying desperately to get the moisture going in his mouth again. "So it was you then, that pulled me topside?"

"Yes."

"Why? Why would an angle rescue _me_ from hell?"

Castiel cocked his head to the side and it was seriously starting to affect Dean’s libido to see that innocent face. He wanted to do things to shatter the innocence; he wanted the powerful being to do things to him. He didn’t know what the fuck was what anymore.

"Good things do happen, Dean." Castiel stated and took a step towards Dean.

Dean really wished this dude would stop moving closer like this. "Not in my experience."

"What’s the matter?" Castiel suddenly looked at Dean with such pity that Dean couldn’t fucking take it. "You don’t think you deserve to be saved?"

Dean just steeled himself and tried not to think about the possibility that the angel might have read his mind. "Why’d you do it?"

The angel seemed to get that playtime was over. "Because God commanded it." He stated and fucking hell, his voice had gone deeper. Dean scrambled behind himself to find something to hold onto and his hand found the table. "Because we have work for you."

Dean looked the angel up and down and swallowed. "Why’d it have to be Jimmy?" he asked and hated that his voice came out so small, so tight.

The angel looked down at his own body — at Jimmy’s body — and then back up, still standing so fucking close. "What does it matter to you? He is a devout man that I could communicate with and his bloodline shares a bond with my true form so I could enter him without damaging him. I needed someone to help me so that I could talk to you. I believe my past attempts made you wary of me."

Dean thought about the gas station and the hotel and guessed that that part was true. It didn’t, however, deflect his thoughts from the matter at hand. "Does Jimmy know what’s going on?" _Knows it’s me you had to save._ He didn’t say what he was really thinking but somehow he suspected the angel knew anyway.

" No." He answered simply and Dean breathed out at that. "Jimmy knows I am on a holy mission and he has agreed to help me." He cocked his head to the side again but now he just looked slightly amused. "Why do you ask?"

Dean swallowed and felt mortified when he saw Castiel tracking his bobbing Adam’s apple. "No reason." He all but croaked and tried to lean casually against the table. Problem was the table apparently was further away from him than he’d thought and he ended up stumbling backwards.

Castiel’s right hand shot out and slim fingers gripped the lapels on Dean’s jacket to steady him. The grip was strong and it grounded Dean instantly. Fuck. Castiel had only moved one arm but he still felt steady as a rock. Dean swallowed again and tried not to lean against the touch.

"You should be careful, you are a very valuable man." Castiel stated and Dean really wanted to feel affronted that he was basically merchandise to this angel but he couldn’t. Could only feel a tight heat that knotted in his groin and spread up his torso.

He slapped the hand away and Castiel let it fall to his side. Yes, "let". Dean was fairly certain he couldn’t make this angel do anything he didn’t want to. Goddamnit, seeing Jimmy’s face on such a powerful being was like all of Dean’s fourteen year-old self’s wet dreams. And fuck if they didn’t all return in a big wave. His face got red when he realized he still didn’t know if the angel could read his mind or not.

"Whatever, man." He muttered and Castiel frowned at him.

"As I have just stated, I am no man."

"Yeah, alright!" Dean barked. "What do we do now?"

Castiel didn’t look angry at Dean’s outburst at all, just looked vaguely pleased that Dean was accepting what was happening. "You should get back to your brother, I have other work to do, as do you. I will talk to you soon, Dean."

"What about Bobby?"

Castiel looked down at the old hunter for a moment, as if considering him, and then bent down to touch his forehead, muttering another series of strange words. When he straightened again Dean could see Bobby moving groggily and Castiel smiled at Dean in that little quirky way of his that Dean knew wasn’t Jimmy at all.

"There."

It was all he said and then there was a great whoosh, air gusting up in Dean’s face and he could only guess Castiel had used his massive wings to fly to wherever he needed to be. Used those powerful wings, beating and stirring up the air, furling and unfurling and—fuck!

Dean shifted to reposition his hard dick in his jeans just as Bobby sat up on the floor.

"What happened?" Bobby asked, sounding as if he’d just woken up from a very long nap.

Dean sighed deeply. "I’ll tell you on the way back."

  


### 2.

  


As it turned out, both Bobby and Sammy were much more accepting of this whole angel-thing than Dean. Sam even seemed eager to meet them and Dean guessed he could see where his brother was coming from but he dreaded having to meet that Castiel dude again. Seeing Jimmy like that had brought up a lot of painful and embarrassing memories and he was having an exceptionally hard time keeping his erections in check. _Grown-ass man_ , he thought sourly as he nursed his beer.

"I dunno, Dean." Sam was saying as they sat waiting for Bobby to get dinner ready. "I think it sounds really plausible and kinda cool."

"I know, you said already." Dean bit out.

"Just think about it. If there’s demons, there’s bound to be a counterpart, right? Yin and yang?"

"What, are you fucking yoga now?"

Sam snorted derisively. "You can’t _be_ yoga Dean, you—"

" I know!"

Sam turned to stare at Dean with an epic bitch-face in place. "What the hell, man? I thought you’d be happier to know it was angels and not some other crap that saved you?"

Dean sighed deeply. He couldn’t tell Sam what the problem was, he kind of wanted to though, just to get some advice. But knowing Sam, that advice would probably consist mostly of talking about _feelings_ and _emotions_ and that would get them nowhere.

" I just don’t buy the whole good things deal."

"Yeah, well, didn’t that Castiel say that they had work for you?"

"Exactly!" Dean turned to return Sam’s stare. "And how is that not bothering you?"

Sam sighed too. "Of course it bothers me but we’ll have to figure out what they need help with before we start bitching, don’t you think? Besides, we have angels in our corner, how bad can it get?"

  


*****

  


Pretty bad, apparently.

"Excuse me, did you say _apocalypse_?"

" Is your hearing impaired? I’m sure I did everything right when I molded your ears."

Castiel reached for him but Dean slapped his hand away. "Don’t fucking touch me, I was just expressing my disbelief."

Castiel looked less pleased at Dean’s harsh words. "I didn’t just recuse you, Dean, I recreated your body. I have already touched you everywhere."

That… Fuck, that made Dean heated all over. "Yeah? Well, now it’s my body again and personal space, dude."

Castiel looked at Dean like he was the most interesting thing in the whole world but right before Dean could say something else, the angel stepped back. "My apologies."

"Whatever." Dean was pointedly _not_ meeting Castiel’s eyes. They reminded him too much of Jimmy and at the same time they really didn’t. Castiel sure looked like Jimmy Novak but he moved nothing like him and Dean was willing to bet money on it being Castiel’s divine form or something that was making Jimmy’s voice sound so rough. It sent shivers down Dean’s body. " So, seals?" he piped up when the silence was getting uncomfortable and immediately hated how highly pitched his voice sounded.

"Yes. The Rising of the Witnesses, we lost this one."

Dean snorted. "If it’s so important maybe you should’ve tried harder."

Oh fuck. That was _definitely_ the wrong thing to say. Castiel’s face drew tight and he was suddenly angry. The difference was subtle but this close up Dean could clearly see it and shit, he should not be reacting the way he did in a situation like this.

" The armies of heaven are not infinite, Dean." Castiel stated and slid closer in a clear threat that Dean’s stupid body apparently interpreted as sexy as fuck. Dean shifted and tried to angle his hips away from the angel. Castiel leaned even closer and Dean’s breath caught. He was so hard it fucking hurt. "You should show me some respect." Castiel demanded and Dean could feel his dick leaking in his jeans. He nearly moaned. "I dragged you out of hell, I can throw you back in."

Okay, yeah, that was clearly a threat and Dean sucked his lower lip in between his teeth to keep from provoking the angel anymore. Shit, he wanted Castiel to bend him over the sink and just ram him. He hadn’t felt like this for another man since forever. There was Jimmy and there’d been a security guard at Sam’s campus in Stanford but those two separate incidents were so long ago that Dean had almost forgotten what it felt like to be the prey. His whole body trembled but before he could say something else, the angel had disappeared.

The thought of those mighty wings had Dean reaching for his zipper before he could stop himself. He didn’t fucking care. Castiel had been standing too close, smelling too good, sounding so demanding and powerful that Dean’s brain short-circuited and he just turned around, pulling his hard dick out and started beating off over the sink, not caring that he could get caught any second.

The build was sharp and almost painful. His balls tight and high, his dick rock hard and flushed and his hand worked over it furiously. His mind conjured up memories of Jimmy on his knees, sucking 

Dean’s dick and his lust-fueled mind combined that image with images of Castiel, Angel of the Lord. Fucking shit, Castiel wouldn’t just take a knee to Dean. He would fucking push Dean to the floor and fuck his face. And Dean would love it.

Suddenly the burn was too much and he gripped the edge of the sink, tears of need flooding the corners of his eyes as he thought of the angel using him like a rag. He came so forcefully all he managed was a startled gasp and afterwards he was thankful for it, what with Sam sleeping in the other room and all.

  


### 3.

  


"Dude, you look awful."

Dean batted Sam’s hand away when his brother tried to touch his forehead. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Checking your temperature."

"I’m not five."

"Then stop acting like it."

Dean sighed. Driving around with Sam was more taxing nowadays than it used to be. He remembered fondly how fun Sam had been when they’d been littler and he had looked up to Dean, to his big brother. Those were the days…

Not like these crappy days, chasing seals, dealing with Sam’s goddamn demon blood thing. And goddamn Castiel. Fucking angels.

Dealing with Cas was the worst. It was several weeks later and his _problem_ was only getting worse. It didn’t improve with the way Cas seemed inclined to stand too close to Dean all the time either. Cas wasn’t always around but he was slowly becoming a permanent part of their little hunter party and even though Sam and Bobby had taken a real liking to the angel Dean couldn’t fucking concentrate when Cas was around. He’d lost count of all the times he’d had to sneak away to beat off and he was definitely losing sleep. No wonder Sammy, the little bundle of concern that he was, was noticing. Maybe he wasn’t handling this as well as he’d thought. Or not as quietly, at least.

" You know what?" he said on a whim, still keeping his eyes resolutely on the road. "I’m not okay."

Sam was silent for a while. Stunned, most probably. "Okay." He said eventually, very obviously trying to not spook Dean. "You wanna talk about it?"

Dean gritted his teeth. "No, but I’m starting to think I have to."

He could see Sammy nod in the corner of his eye. "Well, I’m here if you want to."

"Sure."

They were quiet for a long stretch of time, mile after mile sliding past and Dean was getting comfortable. It felt good to just have acknowledged the problem and maybe that would be enough? And watching the road disappear beneath his Baby always made him calmer too.

"Is this about hell?"

And there it shattered. Thank you very much, Sam fucking Winchester.

"No."

"Oh."

Okay, now the silence was totally loaded and Dean hated it. Hated himself for saying anything in the first place. This little problem he was having with Cas was nothing compared to all the other shit they were dealing with and he was getting angry with himself for letting it get so big in his mind.

And yet, now that he thought about it, he hadn’t been distracted by hellish nightmares and memories as much since the Castiel problem became permanently fixed in his mind. In fact, the more he thought about how to deal with his attraction, the less he thought about hell. And the apocalypse. And Sammy’s issues. Huh.

"Is it about the demon blood?" Sam asked suddenly in a low voice and Dean gripped the steering wheel tightly. Goddamnit, it was like the world was determined to get him in a bad mood.

"What is this, fucking twenty questions?" he spat and immediately kind of regretted it with the way Sammy was looking at him.

"You said you needed to talk."

"Well, it wasn’t about all that crap, don’t remind me of it."

Sam huffed and crossed his arms. "What the hell is it then?"

Dean’s face was red by now. This had been such a bad idea. First of all, it wasn’t that big of a deal. And second, it was fucking uncomfortable talking to his baby brother about something like this. Dean should really get himself some other friends. All he had was Sam, Bobby and Cas and _goddamnit!_ What the hell was Cas doing in that mix?!

" Okay, you know what." Sam slapped him on the shoulder and Dean actually relaxed, only now realizing that he’d been clutching Baby’s wheel tight enough to rip it off. "Now I’m really worried, Dean."

"I don’t want to talk anymore, Sammy."

"Why not?"

"Because it’s fucking embarrassing, okay?" Dean all but yelled and met Sam’s stunned face briefly. "I-I just can’t, Sam, okay? I was wrong to bring it up."

Sam was silent for a while before Dean saw him squaring his jaw and he knew he was done for. "Pull over."

"No."

"Pull the fuck over, Dean." Sam’s hand hovered dangerously close to the hand break. "Something _you’re_ embarrassed to talk about? We’re doing this, right now."

Dean heaved the mightiest sigh he could muster, just to show how not content he was, but he did as bid and pulled the Impala over to the side of the road. They were in the middle of nowhere, corn fields lining the country road and the last car they’d met had been over half an hour ago. If Dean was getting ganked by some stupid horror movie monster, this would be the perfect opportunity. He really hoped that was going to happen when he turned to Sam and prepared to tell his baby brother how he wanted the cock of an angel up his ass.

He swallowed but the words stuck. The warm air drifted in through the slightly open windows and he could feel himself sweating already. He opened his mouth but shut it immediately again. What the fuck were they doing this for again?

Sam sighed a little and shifted to lean against the door. "Am I going to have to start guessing again?"

"I think that would be for the best." Dean nodded, actually relieved.

Sam rolled his eyes. "Is this about what we’re doing? The seals?"

"Not really."

"‘Not really’?" Sam parroted. "But if we weren’t caught up in this holy mess, there’d be no problem?"

"Probably not." Dean looked down and started fiddling with the zipper on his jacket.

"You said you didn’t want to talk about this because it was embarrassing, is that true?"

"Yes." So much fucking yes.

"Is it embarrassing because this actually has nothing to do with anything trying to kill us and you don’t think it should be as important to you as it is?"

Dean stared at Sam’s serious face. When the hell had his brother acquired shrink-abilities? "Maybe." He admitted reluctantly. "But not just."

Sam pursed his lips in thought, looking for all the world like he was enjoying this. Dean wanted to throttle him, just a little. "Is it embarrassing because it’s something personal?" He nodded when Dean did. "Yes, this is something you’re having a problem with. Something you usually don’t have any problems with." He suddenly gasped and pointed at a startled Dean. "This is about _sex_."

" Fucking hell, Sammy." Dean muttered and looked away, too embarrassed to meet his brother’s pleased expression.

"Aw, c’mon Dean. Lots of guys have trouble in that department."

"You don’t get to fucking laugh." Dean snarled at a laughing Sam. "This isn’t about those kinds of problems."

Sammy calmed down but not before Dean punched him on the shoulder. "You’re right." Sam sniggered. "This still has something to do with our holy mess." He looked thoughtful for a moment. "So this is about sex and our mission, kind of." He quieted in thought and Dean started sweating again. This was fucking painful. He should just say it. Sam looked up just as Dean opened his mouth. "Is this about Ca—"

"Shut the hell up!" Dean exclaimed and pounced on Sam to clamp a hand over his mouth. "Don’t bring his feathery ass down here." He only let go of his brother when Sam nodded.

"Oh my God, Dean." Sam stated and didn’t sound as disgusted as Dean had thought. He still cringed back, though, and Sam looked at him with pity. It was heartbreaking. "You wanna… get down with him?"

"Fuck, Sam, that just sounded wrong." Dean scrunched up his face. "I just…"

They sat in a tense silence for a while and then Sam put a hand on Dean’s shoulder. "I know he isn’t the first guy you’ve been attracted to, if that’s what’s making you uncomfortable here."

Dean looked up, stunned, and actually felt a little like crying when he saw Sam’s face. There was so much understanding there and Dean thought maybe he shouldn’t give Sam so much crap about fucking a demon anymore. Shit, he needed to come clean.

"It-it’s not just that, Sam." He mumbled and Sam inclined his head a little, showing Dean his listening face. "This situation is fucked up."

"I know he’s an angel and all." Sam nodded at his own words. "And that’s weird, sure, but—"

"That’s not it."

"What?"

Dean looked away, totally not blushing. "I mean, sure, that’s super weird and all but…" he swallowed hard. "Remember that time when we stayed almost two months in Pontiac?"

Sam frowned, obviously trying to remember. "Maybe. I remember actually making friends and going on field trips. I don’t remember where it was though."

"It was Pontiac, Illinois."

"Okay."

Dean heaved a sigh. "I had a sort of girlfriend and she dragged me to this lame party."

Sammy smiled fondly. "That I do remember, you didn’t want to go but when you got back you were actually happy. I was glad." But then Sammy frowned again and Dean swallowed. "But that’s right, not long after you got all moody and you were really happy when dad came to get us."

"Yeah." Dean rubbed the back of his neck. "Thing is, I kinda had a chance meeting at that party."

"I always thought your girlfriend had given you boob or something."

Dean looked up to see Sam smirking but it disappeared quickly enough when Dean didn’t return it. "I met a guy at that party and we sucked each other off in the bathroom." He rushed out and boy did Sam’s face drop at that. "Then, later, he came by the motel room and we did some more stuff and then he—we broke it off."

"Okay." Sam said slowly, dragging the syllable out. "That explains why you were so mopey. Why did you break up, though?" he almost scowled suddenly. "Was it because of dad? Or me? Were you worried what we would think?"

Dean bit his lower lip and kind of wished he could say yes. "No." He admitted. "I didn’t really think about you and I mean, I knew we were leaving soon but I wanted to have him around until we did. But…" he averted his eyes and felt that non-blush creeping up his cheeks again. "He was a little too old for me."

"Oh my God." Sam exclaimed for the second time that day. "Please don’t tell you fucked someone’s dad?"

"No." Dean nearly growled defensively. "It was her uncle."

Sam flung his hands up in the air. "Because that’s so much better! Fuck, Dean."

"I know, alright." Dean bit out and angrily met Sam’s bitch-face. "I didn’t think he was so old though, he looked like a teenager and the difference wasn’t that big. If it’d been today no one would’ve batted an eye."

"Still, Dean. You were a child."

"Yes thank you. That was his main argument as well."

Sam sighed when they’d been quiet for a while. "Not that I don’t like you sharing with me but I really don’t see how this memory is relevant to your current problem."

Dean shifted and wished the ground would swallow him up. "You know how the angels don’t really look like humans, right?"

"Right, vessels."

"Exactly." Dean scratched his cheek. "So, the guy who I kind of wanted to fuck when I was fourteen and the vessel our angel is using?" he met Sam’s eyes, already seeing the comprehension there. "Yeah, same guy."

"Shut. Up."

Dean shrugged. "Messed up, I know. I don’t even know if I want the angel or Jim anymore." He looked down. "Think the angel, though." He mumbled lowly and so hadn’t fucking meant to say that out loud. Fuck you, mouth diarrhea.

"You’ve got to tell him."

Dean’s eyes shot straight to Sam’s when Sam grabbed his arm. "What the hell are you talking about?" he nearly shouted. "I’m not telling him this, _ever_."

Sam rolled his eyes and leaned forwards, looking much too excited for Dean’s liking. "Then what was the point of you telling me this?"

"I dunno…"

"Yes you do! You wanted my advice and I’m giving it to you. You should tell him why you’ve been acting like his very presence is giving you stomach cramps."

"It does!"

"But not for the reason he thinks." Sam stared him down. "Dean, did you know he thinks you hate him?" he nodded when Dean just stared dumbly at him. "Yeah. He actually asked me about it, thinks he came on to strong when you first met and that it made you hate him. Don’t you ever notice how hard he tries to make you happy? Doing everything you ask and helping us? Even when he shouldn’t. And the standing too close thing?" Dean nodded when Sam did. "Yeah, he just does that to you. Me and Bobby have actually been talking about it. We think he’s trying to make you like him by being close to you."

"You’re insane." Dean spat. "And don’t talk to Bobby about this shit!"

Sam snorted. "Who else? Besides, it seems so harmless. I think you are important to him and maybe he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it." Sammy’s hand on Dean’s arm tightened. "Talk to him."

"No!"

Sam’s eyes hardened. "Dean." He said warningly but Dean just shook his head. They stared at each other for a long while before Sam just huffed out an angry breath and leaned back. "Fine."

"Fine." Dean repeated and turned to look out the windshield. "I just wanted to tell you so you’d know why I’ve been irritated lately and now you know. That’s that."

Sam turned his head and looked at Dean’s profile but Dean refused to look at his brother. Yes, this was for the best. He already felt better, having told someone else and not having Sam be angry or disgusted with Dean’s desires. Now the problem didn’t seem so big anymore and he would be able to stop thinking about it. No more imagining what Cas would taste like, if he would have his own unique taste or if Jimmy still remained. No more thinking about sniffing Cas’ hair and no more beating off to the memory of Cas’ wings’ shadow, imagining what those wings actually looked like and would feel like. Yes, everything felt so much better now. Such. A. Fucking. Relief.

"Don’t hate me." Sam said suddenly and Dean turned a confused face at him.

"What?"

"Castiel!" Sam hollered before Dean could stop him, his face turned upwards as it usually was when they prayed to the angel even though Cas most likely was on ground level. "Cas, we need you right now."

"Fucking hell, Sammy!" Dean yelled but anything else he wanted to say died on his lips when he heard the familiar whoosh of Cas’ wings and he was suddenly very aware of the presence in the back seat.

"Hello Dean." Cas said in that fucking voice of his. "Sam."

"Hiya Cas." Sam said with a bright smile.

Cas looked around himself. "What are you doing here?"

"We were actually on our way to—you know what?" Sammy held up his hands. "Not important. Dean has something he needs to talk to you about."

"Really?" Cas leaned closer to the front seat and Dean’s breath hitched. He stubbornly refused to look at the angel. "What is it, Dean?"

Sam was scrambling for the door. "I think I’ll just stretch my legs for a while. Call me when you’re done." He stated and all but fled the car, starting at a brisk pace in the direction they’d been going before.

The air in the Impala suddenly felt ten times stuffier and Dean had a hard time breathing right. It took a moment or two and then Cas was sitting in Sam’s spot, looking intently at Dean.

"What did you want to talk about, Dean?"

Dean really wished the angel would fucking stop saying his name. His cock was already fattening at the thought of being alone with the angel in his car.

"Nothing." He mumbled and tried to shift so that his jeans would cover his dick.

"I find that hard to believe."

Goddamn that word. "Well, it’s true." Dean spat. "Sam doesn’t know what he’s talking about."

Cas cocked his head to the side. "Actually, I find he is very intelligent and often gets things right."

"Not this time, okay?!" Dean growled but took pause when Cas frowned at him and slid closer on the seat.

"Are you unwell, Dean?" he asked and reached out to touch Dean’s forehead. What the fuck was up with people touching his head today?

Dean caught the angel’s wrist in his hand and fuck, it felt so slim. "Don’t touch me."

Cas looked down to where Dean’s hand was gripping his arm so hard Dean’s fingers were white. "I think I already am."

Shit, Dean’s blood was pumping in his ears. Cas didn’t smell like Jimmy, he hardly talked like Jimmy and the more Dean was thinking about it he thought the angel might not even taste like Jimmy either. He distantly realized that he was almost caressing Cas’ wrist and he snatched his hand away as if burned. Cas looked… hurt?

"Dean, if I did something to offend you, I am sorry."

"No, no it’s fine." Dean said and rubbed his eyes, totally not sniffing his own hand in the process. He realized with a start that this was probably the first time he had been this alone with Cas since that time in Bobby’s kitchen.

Suddenly Cas was _much_ closer, facing Dean so that his knee was brushing Dean’s thigh and even through the layers of clothing it felt amazing. Shot straight to Dean’s cock. Cas’ hand was on Dean’s forehead and Dean leaned into the touch before he could stop himself. He felt the tingle of Cas’ grace and he really hoped it wouldn’t allow Cas to read his mind.

" You’re warm but you don’t have a fever." Cas stated and seemed content with that, drawing his hand away and Dean barely managed not to whimper at the loss. "But you still don’t look well. Maybe I should call Sam back?"

"No." Dean all but groaned, already too far gone in his lust to deny himself anymore. "Just-just sit here with me." Fuck, he hated that he sounded like a stupid girl but he hated even more that he couldn’t whip his dick out and just beat off.

Cas nodded and put a hand on Dean’s shoulder, like he had seen Sam do so many times. Dean curled in against the touch. Cas’ hand on him felt like fire shooting down his spine and his dick jumped in his jeans.

"Sure, Dean." Cas said reassuringly but all Dean heard was his name. How would it sound as the angel moaned it? Shouted it? Voice full or arousal and rasping the name against Dean’s ear? 

Shit, he was hard now. His hands lay on the seat, trembling from the effort of not touching and his hips were starting to shift up a little, creating wonderful friction when his dick scraped against the inside of his jeans.

Cas narrowed his eyes. "Dean? You look really unwell, more so than just a minute ago."

"‘S nothing." He rasped but then Cas moved his hand to put it over Dean’s beating heart and Dean’s hips bucked up ever so slightly.

"Your heartrate is elevated." The angel noted unnecessarily and Dean pushed his chest against the warm hand. To his joy, Cas held his palm flat and solid against his chest, clearly not budging. He was trapped between Cas’ one hand and the seat of the car and it felt amazing.

"Cas." He gasped and Cas immediately leaned closer, listening intently. "Cas, I need—"

"Yes Dean." Cas answered when Dean cut himself off before saying _you_. " Anything."

No, not anything. Dean didn’t think so. Sorry Sam but he couldn’t do this. He wasn’t strong enough or man enough but he certainly was douche enough to just take what he needed.

"I need you to hold me down."

"Are you having a seizure?" Cas asked, clearly both concerned and confused because he hadn’t detected it with his angle mojo or whatever.

"No." Dean bit out as Cas put his other hand on Dean’s shoulder, still doing what Dean asked even if he didn’t understand, bless his heart. "Panic attack."

"Oh." Cas said in a low murmur and the fact that he was still there after such a blatant lie clearly told Dean that either the angel really couldn’t read minds or he actually stayed out of Dean’s like Dean had asked earlier. Either way, it made Dean’s whole body shake and that in turn made Cas tighten his grip.

Dean swallowed and clenched his jaw hard while his hips rolled up into nothing. Fuck, alone he could never come like this but with Cas sitting _right there_ , his piercing eyes on Dean’s face, his angelic scent all up in Dean’s nostril’s and his strong hands pressing firmly against Dean’s heaving chest? Yeah, this could actually work.

"Harder." He grunted and Cas pressed his lips together in a thin line before forcefully turning Dean so that Dean’s back slammed back against the door. The handle was digging into his back, the window was cold against the back of his head but none of that mattered because Cas was bent over him, his hands on Dean’s shoulders, pressing hard, fingers digging into the meat. He had one foot on the floor and the other leg was bent, his knee resting on the seat and pressing Dean’s right leg against the back of the seat. It was fucking delicious.

"Dean." Cas said imploringly and Dean actually outright moaned, his whole face scrunched up and Cas must have taken his expression as one of pain — which was not far from the truth — because he got a concerned look on his beautiful face and actually leaned down.

And holy shit, Cas was so close now. It felt like his whole weight was leveraged on Dean’s shoulders and it felt fucking awesome. Dean never knew he could get off like this just from being restrained. His dick was straining and leaking and he was so fucking close he could taste it. He wanted nothing more than to turn his head and lick at Cas’ exposed neck.

"Dean." Cas murmured against Dean’s ear and that was fucking it. Dean pressed the heel of his hand against his dick and all but whimpered when he felt his orgasm rip free. "You need to calm down, Dean."

"Ah!" Dean’s whole body bucked up as his dick pulsed hot and hard, emptying into his pants. His breath was ragged and he sat there for a long while, panting against Cas’ shoulder. Fuck, he was so messed up.

When the high of the orgasm subsided he started to feel the onset of a real panic attack. What the fuck had he done? He had used Cas. This was practically rape. Fucking shit, he just wanted to cry.

Instead, when Cas withdrew, he gave his friend a shaky smile. "Thank you." He mumbled and tried to swallow against the lump in his throat. Cas looked uncertain that this was over and he didn’t even know how fucking right he was. If anything, Dean just thought everything had gotten worse.

"Are you alright?" the angel asked and Dean forced himself to nod.

"Just… Don’t tell Sam, okay?"

Cas looked like he wanted to protest but eventually he just nodded. "Whatever you want, Dean."

What Dean wanted was to blow his own brains out. Why was Cas agreeing with something so ridiculous after witnessing something so fucked up? Sammy was right about the angel, Sammy was always so goddamn right.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, _Plot_? This is not what we agreed!


	3. Even later, but not very

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand finished! 
> 
> And I guess you already noticed but after that kitchen scene in episode 4x2 I just kind of skipped the rest of the canon in favor of my own porno-scenes. I hope y'all are okay with that!

  
  


### 1

  


Oh boy had Sammy been mad. So, _so_ mad.

He of course didn’t know what had happened, specifically, but he had immediately figured out that something had gone down between his brother and the angel and the way Dean had been avoiding his gaze had just made Sam’s suspicions worse. And he definitely knew that Dean and Cas hadn’t talked about the real problem. Fuck, he had been mad enough to throw stuff at the walls of the motel room they’d ended up in that evening. In a very un-Sam-like move he had yelled and stormed off, telling Dean that he needed to be alone.

That was over a week ago.

Oh, Sammy had calmed down enough to actually call back after Dean had left him about fifty messages ranging from desperate to sad to fucking furious but it had taken quite a while. Turned out he had gotten pretty far and was at least a three-day drive away and had already found them a case. He skillfully avoided asking Dean if Dean had worked his issues out but when Dean pressed him Sam had revealed that he actually hadn’t said anything to Cas and Dean had breathed a sigh of relief. That had been a real concern what with the way Sammy wanted them to talk about their feelings all the goddamn time. But apparently he felt this was between the angel and Dean. Dean was grateful for that, at least.

So now he was on his way over to Sam and the case he had dug up. Dean could definitely tell that this row wasn’t over and that Sam wouldn’t let this pass until Dean manned up but for the time being Sam seemed to have calmed down enough for them to get back to their job and that was good, Dean thought.

Too bad Dean’s other problem was just getting worse.

He hadn’t seen Cas since that day in the Impala and he hadn’t dared pray to the angel either but that hadn’t stopped his goddamn body from _wanting_ and _needing_ so fucking much.

He had ended up yanking it almost every day and thinking about Cas holding him down. Cas was strong and when he got mad he was so fierce it was just as sexy as it was scary. Oh, he would get angry if Dean told him what had really happened in the car, Dean was sure. So angry, perhaps, that he would just fucking throw Dean down on the nearest flat surface and just _take him_. Maybe on Baby’s hood…

Dean moaned lowly where he lay on the rugged motel bed in the room he’d been forced to rent on his way over to Sam. Couldn’t very well drive for 72 hours straight but boy did he wish he could. He didn’t trust himself to be alone anymore. Whenever he was, thoughts of Cas would haunt him and he was starting to wonder if he was cursed or something. A grown man like him shouldn’t fucking need to jerk off this often!

But the fact was that his hand was already drifting lower, sliding slowly over his stomach to reach down and cup his already hardening dick through his jeans. The TV was playing some stupid nature show and he muted it but liked the way the light flickered over the ceiling in the otherwise dark room.

He shut his eyes when he was completely hard and images of Cas immediately floated before him. Cas’ hands, Cas’ ass, Cas’ scruffy jaw. Cas quirking his lips in that way of his, Cas’ eyes sparkling when he was amused, Cas confusedly tilting his head to the side… Yeah, this was clearly not about Jimmy anymore and Dean didn’t know if that was a relief or not. He was obviously still attracted to Jimmy’s body but Cas was Cas and it was just… Fuck.

He fumbled his jeans open but paused long enough when he got them out of the way to just rest his palm against his dick. He was already so hard and when he shimmied up the bed he felt his dick twitch against his hand. He didn’t bother with taking his clothes off completely, just pulled his tee off and then pushed his underwear and jeans down enough to get access.

His cock was already an angry shade of red and his back arched when he gripped it tight. Shit, he usually liked to take it slow, to tease himself and to maybe play with his balls. And, as of late, a little with his hole. Shit, he hadn’t had anyone pay attention to his puckered opening since that security guard at Stanford and just the thought of what Cas could do down there sent a heated wave of pleasure surging through his body. Would Cas be tentative and afraid of hurting Dean? Dean hoped not. He needed the angel to just press him down or maybe to push Dean to all fours, ass up in the air.

Dean’s body shook slightly when he pulled on his balls, his dick leaking as he thought about just sitting there on the bed, waiting for Cas to make a move; Cas licking Dean’s hole and maybe spank him if Dean moved too much.

"Fuck." Dean groaned out and started working his hand faster. Images flew fast in his mind. Cas’ hands would be so strong and sure. Dean’s body felt like it was on fire, he was sweating and bucking up into his hand but shit, it was not nearly enough. He needed Cas, needed the angel like a drowning man needed air. "C-Cas." He stuttered out, not even coherent anymore with the heat flaring in his groin.

Then suddenly there was a whoosh of air and Dean immediately thought of Cas’ wings. Fuck, they must be magnificent. Their shadow alone had been huge and—

"Hello Dean."

Dean froze.

He lay for a moment, still breathing hard through his nose and his dick still straining in his hand but fuck, he barely dared to move. When he eventually opened his eyes to peek up at the angel, Cas was standing at the foot of the bed, looking intently at Dean’s still erect cock. It twitched when he realized and he could swear he saw Cas’ eyes glint.

"Cas." He sputtered. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"You prayed for me." Cas lifted his gaze to Dean’s and Dean blushed in frightened embarrassment when he realized that he had. Sort of. Wait, no he hadn’t.

"This is private, Cas." He gritted out but fuck if he moved to cover himself.

"I realize."

"Then go away, goddamnit."

Cas narrowed his eyes at Dean and it sent a shiver through Dean’s body. "Don’t blaspheme." He said sternly and fuck if it wasn’t the hottest thing to happen today. Dean kind of wanted to get the angel mad for real now. "Why did you call for me?" he stepped closer to the bed and Dean couldn’t help it; his hips bucked up and he groaned.

"I-I didn’t mean to."

Cas cocked his head to the side and considered Dean’s whole body and Dean just fucking went with it. Slowly, he started stroking his dick again, using the newly accumulated pre-come to ease the slide and with Cas’ eyes on him it felt so deliciously lewd that he almost came right then and there.

"I’m sorry." Cas stated slowly, voice unwavering and not sounding sorry at all. "I know this is something humans often engage in alone, I’m sorry I disturbed you and—"

He was leaving, Dean realized and it made Dean’s eyes fly open. "Don’t, Cas." He gasped brokenly and the angel looked at him — or his soul, it was hard to tell. "Stay."

"Dean," Cas started, sounding reproachful and it made Dean’s back arch. "Did you or did you not need me? I have other business to attend to."

That should be Dean’s cue but fucking hell it so wasn’t anymore. He spread his legs as wide as his jeans would let him and worked his aching cock faster. "I did. I do, Cas." He moaned when Cas frowned in confusion, or maybe suspicion. "Please stay, I-I need you to watch."

Oh God, why had he said that?! He was screwed. Cas would hate him or laugh at him and Dean couldn’t even blame him. He was such a slut for this angel it hurt his own brain to think about it.

But Cas did neither, apparently. Just came to stand beside Dean and reached a hand out to brush his fingers against Dean’s forehead. Dean felt the familiar tingle of the angel’s grace and he growled as he fucked his hand harder.

"Is this like the panic attack in the car?" Cas asked when his grace obviously didn’t find anything wrong and Dean sweated bullets by now. Cas’ eyes on him were raking trails of fire down Dean’s spine and his whole body shook with the need to just spray himself.

"Y-yes." He groaned out, unable to stop the lie even with his dick out right there in front of Cas and to his surprise Cas nodded and put a firm hand on Dean’s shaking shoulder.

"Then continue."

The moan that Dean let out at that was garbled and may or may not have included some kind of version of the angel’s full name. He couldn’t fucking believe Cas would give this to him. He curled in on himself in an attempt to get closer to Cas without actually getting closer and the angel frowned at him. Dean didn’t know if it was disapproving or not but he liked to think that it was and he moaned in need as his hand picked up the pace again. This made Cas press his lips together and he suddenly bent down to shove Dean deeper against the mattress, his face inches from Dean’s.

"You’re doing this inefficiently, Dean." He murmured, his voice rough and Dean strained to keep his hands to himself. Fuck, he wanted to kiss Cas so much.

"Wh-wha?" Dean groaned and was so surprised when Cas grabbed his hips he didn’t even have the presence of mind to get more aroused.

With a simple flip, Cas had manhandled Dean onto his stomach and climbed onto the bed, sitting square across the backs of Dean’s thighs. Fucking Christ on a flat bread.

"Instead of trying to push up into nothing, you should be pushing down onto something." Cas stated, serious as ever and Dean’s dick leaked where it lay trapped between Dean’s stomach and the bed. "Or into, I suppose, but this will do. Continue." He waited for a little moment in which all Dean could do was shake with need and then he grabbed Dean’s hips again, starting a rhythm for Dean to fuck against the bed. Dean’s hands fisted the sheets. "I don’t know why you’re experiencing these panic attacks and I don’t know why sexual stimuli help you with them, Dean." Cas said and leveraged his weight onto his knees and one hand so that he could lean down and murmur against Dean’s ear. "But it apparently does, so use it."

Dean’s hip stuttered down on their own when Cas released his hold. Dean could feel the angel shift behind him and when he turned his head to rest his cheek against the bed he could see Cas sitting on his knees over Dean’s exposed rear. It made his hole clench and he saw that Cas noticed. It was too much. He grabbed the sheets tighter and started thrusting against the bed with closed eyes.

Cas was still eying him, though, he could feel it burning on his back and it made everything so much sweeter. Cas knew, Dean understood this now, Cas knew something was up and he had probably known that day in the car too but he had stayed, just as he stayed now. It made Dean’s stomach muscles cramp and he could feel his impending release rush through him. His every nerve ending was on fire and he unconsciously pushed his hips back father than necessary, seeking out Cas’ body heat with his ass.

Then suddenly there were fingers sliding against his left ass cheek and he groaned deeply, his hips faltering as his opening fluttered. God, he wanted those slim fingers inside of him.

"Keep going, Dean." Cas rumbled out and fuck, wasn’t his voice tinged with something? Something delicious and dangerous?

"C-can’t." Dean whimpered wantonly. "Need to come, need to Cas."

"Yes." Cas all but hissed, his exhale cool on Dean’s heated skin. "Whatever you need, Dean."

He had said that before too, Dean remembered, and he was just about to say something when Cas suddenly grabbed his ass cheek in a strong hand. Kneading the meat and letting his thumb graze down _just_ low enough.

Dean came with a shout, his dick pulsing and coating the bed and his stomach with his hot come. His body shuddered with the force of it and it was only moments later that he realized he’d been grinding his ass back against Cas’ hand.

Cas released his grip when Dean opened his eyes to peer back at him sleepily. "There." The angel said, all business-like and fuck if it didn’t make Dean shiver in both embarrassment and afterglow. "Better?"

"Yes." Dean mumbled, still humiliated enough to just lie there.

Cas climbed off Dean and came to stand beside his head. "You shouldn’t be afraid to ask me for help, Dean. You are the Righteous Man and I am your Guardian Angel."

Motherfucking shit. Dean buried his head against the bed to keep Cas from seeing his face. He didn’t know if he wanted to cry or kiss the angel. Cas seemed to notice that Dean was far from content and he leaned down to pat Dean awkwardly on the head. Dean felt the comforting grace flow over him and when he looked up again he was clothed and clean. He smiled crookedly.

"Thank you."

"Of course, Dean." Cas said with a small smile and vanished with a new whoosh.

Shit, Dean really wanted to see those wings. And he wanted to talk to Cas about him actually noticing that Dean had used him but he didn’t dare call the angel back. He’d said he had other business and he wasn’t lying, Dean knew that much. Didn’t even know if Cas _could_ lie. He didn’t know why Cas had done this either. Why had he continued when he’d realized what Dean wanted? And did he know that Dean wanted it to be him and not just any guy? Did he know what kind of relation Dean had to his vessel and did he know that it wasn’t Jimmy but Cas himself that haunted Dean’s dreams nowadays? Fuck, there were so many questions; so much he didn’t know.

Except for two things. One, this had been awesome. And two, Cas had apparently thought so too, if the hard-on Dean had spotted just before the angel flew away was anything to go on.

  


### 2.

  


Dean’s back strained as he dug the hole in which to dump the vamps’ bodies. Fucking hell, this was really the shittiest part of their job. Forget the killing and the blood and the near-deaths, if anyone ever made a movie about Dean’s life it would never, ever show him digging graves for the monsters he’d killed. But Dean would be damned before he got the cops after him because of a sloppy clean-up.

"So," Sam started after a while, almost waist-deep in his own hole. "You talk to him or what?"

"Who?" Dean grunted and shuffled more dirt up on the ground beside him. This was going to take forever, he thought miserably. There had only been four vamps but they had had dogs and shit too and the death toll was much higher than Dean had hoped for. At least now Sammy was talking to him again, during this whole case everything had been normal between them and it had thankfully distracted Dean from his other problem. He hadn’t even seen Cas since that day in the motel room. Not that he didn’t want to. For instance, what the hell had the angel’s erection been about? Could they maybe backtrack and explore that for a while? But fuck if Dean was going to be the one initiate anything. Besides, he didn’t trust that he wouldn’t just jump Cas’ bones if he saw the angel again. The attraction to Jimmy had been like this too, Dean remembered as he kept digging, only with Cas it seemed even sharper.

"Dean!"

Dean looked up and saw Sam staring both angrily and worriedly at him. Only his baby bro could pull that kind of face off.

"What?" he asked, genuinely confused but started to realize that Sam might have been talking this whole time.

"I wasn’t gonna say his name but if you’re not listening then I might as well." Sam said with irritation and Dean’s eyes rounded out and he did a quick scan of their surroundings. Nope, just them and a couple of corpses way out on a mist-covered field in the middle of the night. Completely normal.

"Don’t." He said heatedly but not angrily. He was far too relieved to not see Cas standing there to be angry.

"Oh, so you do know who I’m talking about?"

Dean made a bitch-face rivalling his brother’s. "Yes." He started digging again, pointedly not meeting Sam’s eyes. "I just thought we’d moved past it."

"Have you talked to him about it?"

"No."

"Then we haven’t moved past it."

"Damnit Sam!" Dean yelled and threw his shovel down. The angry gesture lost some of its effect when Sam couldn’t really see the shovel as it disappeared down the hole. "What is it to you? I’m dealing with it and it has nothing to do with you. Just drop it."

Sam’s face darkened. "Nothing to do with me?" he jammed his shovel down into the ground and goddamnit, that looked so much cooler that Dean got even madder. "You are my brother, my _only_ family, and he has become a very good friend, _and_ our strongest ally in this war." Sam leaned closer, resting his hands on the edge of the hole, looking menacing as fuck. " He left his whole life, family and job, _for you_. He rebelled against heaven, _for you_. And you don’t think he deserves to know why you’re treating him like shit?"

" I…" Dean looked away. Fuck, when Sammy put it like that Dean sounded like the biggest douche ever. As if he hadn’t already known he was acting like an idiot. "It wasn’t just for _me_." He mumbled lamely and Sam snorted.

" Sure, Dean."

"Fuck, Sam, what do you want from me?" Dean almost whined but didn’t because he didn’t whine, period. "Fifteen years ago I wanted to have sex with this guy I thought I kind of liked and he dumped me and now he’s back, only he isn’t because now he is the meatsuit of this badass angel and it’s too much Sam." He looked away and huffed, trying not to sound like he was having an emotional break-down. Was this what an actual panic attack would feel like? He wanted Cas there to take it away.

"Dean." Sam said, softly now, and Dean glanced at him to find his brother looking at him with a concerned face. That wasn’t what he wanted at all. He wanted to be angry again. "I’m sorry about that other guy."

"‘S okay."

Sam shook his head. "Of course it isn’t but I still think you need to tell… our angel about it, alright?"

It was Dean’s turn to snort. "Sure Sammy." He said derisively. "I’ll just say, hey Cas, you know why I’ve been acting all douchey? It’s because I wanted to fuck your vessel when he was younger and now I kind of want to fuck you too because you’re hot as hell, in ways not even he was. Something like that?"

"Well, not _exactly_ like that…"

" You know he watched me jerk it." Dean stated suddenly, needing to get it off his chest and maybe to make Sam understand that this wasn’t as simple as he apparently thought it was.

"What?" Sam’s face was only a little disgusted.

"Yeah." Dean nodded, taking perverse pleasure in creeping his brother out. "It was just last week and it was—"

He was interrupted by the familiar whoosh and the both of them jumped high as dirt and leaves blew up around them. _Fuck,_ Dean thought, coughing. _I didn’t say his name! Did I?!_

" Hello Dean." Cas said in that gravelly voice of his. "Sam."

"Um, hi Cas." Sam said and blinked to get the dirt out of his eyes. "What are you doing here?"

Cas cocked his head to the side and Dean’s dick did _not_ twitch. Not with his brother just a few feet away. " I heard you pray."

"Just to be clear." Sam started and Cas turned more completely to him. "Every time we say your name, that’s a prayer?"

"Yes." Cas stated simply. "Whenever you say my name it activates the prayer and I can hear everything that follows." He glanced down at Dean and Dean turned beet red, slowly sinking to squat at the bottom of the hole he’d dug and literally wishing it was his own grave.

"Oh." Sam said and then cleared his throat awkwardly. "Well, you know what? We should really work up a system so that you don’t have to fly down here every time we talk about you."

"I don’t."

"What?"

Dean could hear Cas shifting but he didn’t dare emerge from his hiding. "I listen and try to deduce if you need me or not and if it doesn’t seem like you do I stop the prayer."

"Okay." Sam said after a while, obviously trying to wrap his mind around the idea of Cas hearing everything they said about him. Kind of like eavesdropping but involuntarily. "So why did you come down here now?"

"Well," Cas was shifting again. "It seemed like the person praying needed me." Dean felt rather than saw a shadow fall over him and he glanced up only to see Cas standing at the edge of the hole, an unreadable expression on his face as he watched Dean. "Was I wrong, Dean?" he asked and fuck, Dean was already hard.

"C-Cas…" Dean whispered, scared to move with Cas looking at him like that.

Then suddenly Sam was by Cas’ side, leaning in and whispering in Cas’ ear. Cas turned his head slightly to Sam but kept his unwavering blue eyes glued to Dean’s. Sam said what he needed to and then stepped back and when he did, Cas reached down and grabbed Dean’s arm.

There was a fluttering of the world around him and Dean felt a pull around his waist, then he was standing in the motel room he and Sam had rented when they’d gotten to this hick town.

"What?" he turned around to see that he was alone with Cas. His breath hitched. "What did Sam say?" he demanded in a much weaker voice than he had intended.

"The location of your room."

"Why?!"

Cas just narrowed his eyes and then grabbed Dean by his jacket, forcefully pushing Dean back and slamming his back against the wall by the bed. The paintings on the wall rattled and Dean groaned from the force.

"Was what you said true, Dean?" Cas asked, his voice a low rumble that reverberated through Dean’s chest. "Do you want to ‘fuck’ me?" Dean moaned when the angel swore and ducked his head to try and hide even now, even this close. Cas just pressed closer, slotting a leg between Dean’s and clearly feeling Dean’s hard-on. "Is that why you had your panic attacks?" Cas bent forwards, his chin scraping deliciously against Dean’s cheek. "Or were those fake? Did you just want me to touch you?" he grinded his thigh against Dean’s dick and Dean gasped, bucking desperately against the firmness. "Did you use my concern for you to get sex from my vessel? From me?"

"Y-yes." Dean moaned lowly, finally ready to admit it. All of the assertiveness he had felt all those years ago with Jimmy Novak was as if blown away and he wasn’t even certain he wanted it back. Just wanted Cas to fuck him. "I need you Cas."

"Do you?" Cas stepped even closer and Dean could feel that Cas, too, was hard. Cas of course noticed him noticing. "It seems I’m reacting to you. Or is it my vessel that’s reacting? Which would you like Dean? Would you like me to wake Jimmy up?"

"No!" Dean’s eyes flew open and met Cas’, his hands fisting the angel’s trench coat. "Don’t remind me of that. I need _you_." Wow, that was much more sincere and heartfelt than he ever thought he would manage.

" Then why did you lie to me?"

"Th-that… I…" Dean looked away again. He could never hope to explain this to Cas, the angel was far too straight forward and too clueless about human behavior for him to ever understand. "Please, Cas." He whispered brokenly, begging for the angel to understand at least a little. For him to accept and, most of fucking all, to continue touching.

Cas’ eyes narrowed again. "I think you were afraid." He stated and Dean felt as if he’d been sucker punched with how much true that was. "But I see more than you think, Righteous Man. And I don’t like being tricked." He finally started moving again and Dean nearly sobbed in relief when Cas grinded his hips against Dean’s. "You played with me, Dean, used my concern for you to get what you wanted and _I don’t like it _.__"

" I’m sorry." Dean groaned and bucked against Cas, feeling the delicious slide of Cas’ hard-on and already leaking from it.

"No, you’re not." Cas growled and stepped back to yank Dean away from the wall and fling him down on the bed as if he weighed nothing. _Fuck._ " You are still just thinking about yourself, Dean." Cas stated, eyes flaring angrily and Dean gripped the sheets, not knowing if Cas was about to smite him or fuck him. The anticipation made the wait even better.

"Cas, I—"

"No." Cas said, his voice loud and commanding and Dean’s dick twitched painfully. "You will stop talking now." Cas stalked to the bed and pressed a hand to Dean’s chest, making all of Dean’s clothes disappear. Dean made an indignant squawk at that but did nothing to cover himself up. Cas crawled onto the bed, still looking angry but Dean liked where this was headed nonetheless. When Cas got close enough, Dean grabbed the lapels on his coat to try and pull him in. Cas stopped dead and turned his head down to look down at Dean’s hand. There was a moment’s hesitation before Cas had captured both of Dean’s wrists in one hand and forced them above the hunter’s head.

"Stop demanding." Cas growled angrily and pressed Dean down. "And wait your turn, _Dean_."

Dean whimpered and bucked his hips up, loving the way Cas trapped him and challenged him for dominance. Yeah, he would never fucking admit it but he felt like such a slut right now and he was seconds away from coming just from these epiphanies.

Cas bent down and pointedly avoided Dean’s lips in favor of latching on to Dean’s neck. With his free hand he nudged Dean’s legs apart to slot himself between and even through his slacks Dean could feel how hard the angel was.

"I would have given you anything you wanted, Dean." Cas was rumbling against Dean jugular vein and Dean wrapped his legs around Cas’ waist to better align their dicks. His was leaking and smearing pre-come all over Cas’ pants and Cas was grinding slowly but surely down against Dean’s willing body. "Anything you wanted, all you had to do was ask." Yes, Dean realized foggily, Cas had been saying that for some time now but the meaner part of Dean’s brain had been furiously denying it. "Instead all you did was deceive me." Cas leaned back, one hand resting beside Dean’s head, and grinded his hips down hard. Dean gasped and wanted nothing more than to touch the angel and to kiss him. "I don’t like you deceiving me, Dean."

"I’m sorry, Cas." Dean gasped and struggled against the angel’s hold on his hands but he couldn’t break free to save his life. So fucking delicious. "Please, I’m sorry."

"No, Dean." Cas rumbled and flipped Dean onto his stomach so fast Dean almost got a whiplash. "But you will be."

He pulled back and forced Dean up on all fours. This was too much like the fantasies Dean had been having for him not to leak all over the bed. His balls were drawn tight and his hole quivered when Cas spread his cheeks.

"C-Cas." He moaned, bucking back against the angel’s firm hold. "You have too many clothes on."

Cas’ hands left him but Dean had no time to gather his wits before a hard slap landed on his ass. He gasped and arched his back like a cat.

"I will do this however I please, Dean." Cas barked and Dean grabbed the sheets tightly when another slap landed on the meat of his ass. Fuck, he was already so close and Cas hadn’t even really touched him. Dean had never come untouched before but fuck, if this continued he might.

"I’m sorry." Dean all but sobbed and earned himself yet another series of hard slaps. His ass was tingling and his dick bounced with every slap.

"Stop acting contrite when you aren’t." Cas growled and leaned down to grab Dean’s short hair to pull his head back as he draped himself over Dean’s exposed back. Leaning in he brushed his lips against Dean’s ear. "You will take your penance, Dean. And _then_ you can apologize." He rasped and Dean bucked back against Cas’ hard-on when the angel’s free hand skimmed down his side. Dean’s dick jumped in anticipation and when Cas’ hand landed on it Dean almost came.

He screamed loud enough for any neighbors to hear and immediately started fucking Cas’ hand. Cas was grinding himself against Dean’s ass, clothed erection sliding in between Dean’s cheeks and his grip on Dean’s hair was hard enough that little pinpricks of pain shot down to mingle lewdly with the pleasure.

"Cas!" Dean gasped, his voice thick with need. "Imma… I’m gonna come."

Cas growled and bit down where Dean’s neck met his shoulder. The pain was delicious but it startled Dean enough to halt his orgasm for that one second it took Cas to grip Dean’s dick’s base tightly. When he released his grip on Dean, Dean could feel the tingle of Cas’ grace remaining and he couldn’t fucking breathe with the way his dick was pulsing but nothing came out, his orgasm held tightly in check.

"Not yet, Dean." Cas said sternly and got off Dean. "Learn some restraint."

Dean whimpered and looked down. He saw nothing strange but he could _feel_ it. Remnants of Cas’ grace was tightly wound around the base of Dean’s cock, pulsing and burning in a fucking awesome way but still preventing him from coming. Like an angelic cockring. The thought made Dean moan desperately and he reached down to squeeze the head of his pained cock once, feeling the smear of pre-come and then repositioning his hand to keep himself up on the bed. His whole body felt like jelly.

When Cas returned to the bed he slid a hand up Dean’s back and the other in against Dean’s cleft. The one on his ass was decidedly slick and he groaned when he realized Cas had found — or already known? — where Dean hid his lube in his duffle bag.

Cas leaned down and kissed Dean’s lower back as one of his slim fingers grazed Dean’s fluttering hole. "I’m going to fuck you, Dean." Cas murmured against Dean’s sweat-slick skin. "Not because you want me to but because you need it." He pressed one finger inside and Dean knew immediately that the angel was using his grace to ease the pain. "And because _I_ want to." He added and Dean fucking mewled as he pressed back against the digit wriggling inside of him. It felt so much better than anything he could have imagined.

Cas seemed to know exactly what to do with Dean’s wanton reactions because he simply pulled his hand back and inserted another finger. Dean wanted to complain that the power of Cas’ grace was taking the delicious burn away but he was starting to realize that it also meant they would be able to get the show on the road so much faster than normal.

He was basically fucking himself on Cas’ scissoring fingers when he finally found his voice and coherency. "Cas." He gasped and of course Cas knew Dean actually was trying to say something. He gripped Dean’s hip to still him but didn’t stop his own hand. Dean gritted his teeth at the onslaught of pleasure. "Give me more."

Cas jammed his fingers inside, hard, pressing against Dean’s prostate. Dean would have fucking come if it wasn’t for that goddamn cockring. Instead he threw his head back and moaned so deeply he felt his own vocal cords thrum.

" _Restraint_." Cas growled and pushed himself up on his knees behind Dean’s ass. " Or are you trying to make me mad?" he slapped Dean’s already sensitive ass cheek once and then added a third finger, fucking Dean with force and Dean’s body melted against the touch.

Fucking yes, angry Cas was giving Dean exactly what he needed and he needed it so much he could hardly breathe. Even so, he soon found himself pleading with the angel again.

"Please Cas." He whined and wasn’t even going to deny doing it anymore. "Please fuck me, I need you so bad."

Cas huffed behind him but somehow Dean didn’t think the angel was annoyed. Rather, that huff sounded like one born from frustration. When Dean finally heard the zipper on Cas’ slacks lowering he almost started crying in relief.

Cas’ dick was hard and warm and so slick with pre-come that Dean thought they had barely needed the lube. He thought to tell the angel so, to tease him and maybe get a rise out of him but he didn’t have time. Cas was already pressing inside him, his going eased by his grace and Dean was grateful for it now. He was barely prepped enough and Cas felt much bigger than Dean would have pegged him for. He wanted so much to be flipped over so that he could see. All he could see now when he looked down was his own neglected cock hanging heavy and painful between his spread legs.

"Relax for me, Dean." Cas groaned and it was the first time since this started that Cas sounded vulnerable. It made Dean clench harder and Cas’ hips stuttered. He smacked down against Dean’s ass, balls deep and hands gripping Dean’s hips hard enough to leave marks. Delicious marks. "Fuck." The angel swore under his breath and Dean wanted to chuckle but could only feel his own orgasm building in his lower stomach, pressing and straining. It made his throat dry and tight.

"Move." Dean pleaded and tried wriggling back, loving the way Cas’ slacks chafed against the backs of his thighs.

" _Dean_." Cas growled disapprovingly. " This is the third time you’ve urged me on, I don’t like repeating myself." Despite him obviously being irritated with Dean, Cas started moving and Dean arched his back to meet the thrusts.

The motel room soon filled with the sounds of them slapping together and Dean crying out when Cas found his prostate again. It was very fast becoming too much for Dean. He had needed to come for too long and Cas was pounding into him with abandon, obviously chasing his own high. Maybe it should have made Dean angry or sad that Cas was using him like stress-relief but since he had basically done the same thing he wasn’t going to say anything. That, plus the fact that this was one of his fantasies added up to him moaning and meeting Cas’ thrusts.

Dean cried out when Cas reached down to grip his hair again. "Is this what you wanted, Dean?" Cas hissed against Dean’s ear and Dean didn’t even fucking care his back was bending back painfully. "Did you want me to fuck you like a ragdoll, to take what I want?"

"Yes!" Dean gripped his dick and started stroking. It relieved some of the pressure but he was getting beyond desperate by now. "Please, Cas, need to come."

"Yes, Dean, I know." Cas rasped and licked the skin under Dean’s ear. "I can feel you clenching so beautifully around me." He pulled back and Dean groaned in frustration when the angel pulled out. He easily rolled Dean’s pliable body over and bent Dean’s legs back only to slam back in again. "You have no idea, Dean." He growled and batted Dean’s hand away to start stroking Dean’s dick himself. "No idea what you do to me. I was sent to save you, to help you and you do _this_ to me." He wrapped Dean’s legs around his waist and leaned down so that his face was mere inches from Dean’s, neither his hand nor his hips haltering. " Making me want you so much, using me like you wish but never giving me an inch. Makes. Me. So. Fucking. Angry." He punctuated each word with a hard thrust and Dean was crying for real by now.

"Cas, Cas." Dean babbled, his voice hoarse and his body on fire. "I’m sorry, I didn’t know, I’m _sorry_." He rolled his hips in time with Cas and this was it, he knew it from the way Cas’ hips almost faltered. " I need you, need to come, need you always."

Cas growled and grazed his lips against Dean’s parched ones. "Who do you need, Dean?" he demanded, stroking Dean faster and Dean felt it, the moment the grace slipped away and his dams cracked.

"Castiel!" he screamed against Cas’ mouth, gripping the angel tight as the grace disappeared from his cock and his orgasm ripped free. Cas pressed his lips against Dean’s and Dean kissed him forcefully as his orgasm pounded out of him, his come coating the both of them.

His high was not even really over when Cas released him and gripped his thighs hard. Bending Dean in half, the angel started really pounding into him and Dean loved it. Loved the feeling of Cas taking what he wanted and loved how safe he felt in Cas’ arms, even with the angel ramming his ass.

His hands free and his mind just pleasantly hazy now that most of desperation was over, Dean lifted his arms lazily and hugged Cas to him. One hand in his hair and the other on his back, Dean angled his head and finally got a taste of Cas’ skin.

"Come for me, angel." He murmured against Cas and the angel’s hips stuttered.

"Dean." He moaned, sounding so _human_ that it pulled at Dean’s heart.

" Yes Cas." Dean soothed. "Come inside me, make me yours."

Cas’ grip on Dean’s thighs tightened and his hips snapped forwards with bruising force. "Mine." He growled and Dean shivered.

"Yours."

Cas’ rhythm faltered and then he slammed home one more time before arching his back, his head thrown back and his eyes closed even as his mouth hung open in awe. His dick pulsed inside Dean and Dean could feel his come, hot and slick inside him. He hugged the angel closer as Cas drifted down and Cas ended up resting his head in the crook of Dean’s shoulder, his softening dick still lodged inside Dean. Now, with the glow almost over, it felt a little weird to feel Cas like this but Dean didn’t want it to end.

It did, of course.

Cas lifted himself up on his arms and stared down at Dean as his dick slid out on its own. Dean winced a little at the feeling and then again when he felt Cas’ come dribble out of him but he didn’t drop his gaze from Cas’.

"Are you alright?" Cas asked eventually and Dean would never admit it but he loved the roughness of Cas’ voice after sex.

"It’s weird to ask that now." Dean grumbled and finally looked away.

"Why?"

"Why are you still here?" Dean didn’t want to show it but he could feel himself starting to shiver beneath Cas. He wanted to believe that it was because he was cold but the heat between them was still palpable.

"You said you needed me." Cas stated as if this was the most obvious thing in the whole world. "Were you lying again?"

It took a while — too long a while to be frank — but eventually Dean met Cas’ gaze again. "No."

Cas nodded wisely, as if he’d suspected as much, and gathered Dean in his arms. "Then go to sleep Dean."

Dean could already feel himself drifting off. "I don’t want you to stay because you think you have to." He mumbled, hating how girlish and childish he sounded.

Cas just hugged Dean closer and slotted them so that Dean was the little spoon. "I’m staying because the Righteous Man needs his Guardian Angel." He kissed Dean on the temple and Dean felt himself relaxing even though he wanted to continue this conversation. As he drifted deeper into sleep, he felt Cas hug him even tighter and kiss his head. "And because you are mine."

  


*****

  


"So, you’ve talked?" Sam asked over breakfast the morning after.

Dean winced and not just because he had to shift in his seat. "We… did some talking." He mumbled, embarrassed, and refused to meet Sam’s eye.

"Are you okay?"

"Me?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "You and him."

Cas had still been there when Dean had woken up in the middle of the night and they had showered together and talked some more. Dean hadn’t been very much into the talking part but it had felt good to clear the air and Cas had made it up to him by delivering some goddamn mind-blowing orgasms. And later, Cas had wrapped himself around Dean again and Dean had fallen into a deep sleep, safe in his angel cocoon. Sam had tactfully taken another room for the night and for that Dean was very grateful because he would never he admit it but he loved the cuddling. Cas had been gone when Dean had been woken up by Sam loudly banging on the door, though, but he wasn’t worried. Not after what they had shared with each other the night before.

He smiled down at his pancakes. "Yeah, we’re good." He answered, his mind already on the angel. His quirks, his wings, his strong grace wrapped around Dean, protecting him.

"And what about Jimmy?" Sam asked and Dean looked up at his little brother, frowning in confusion.

"Who?"

Sam smiled then, a secret smile that Dean thought should worry him but it really didn’t. "No one."

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, this got a lot more plotty than I intended... 
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading :D


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